What It’s Like To Leave


We have to move on, whether that be in bits and pieces or the entire whole. And when we do, there’s that initial excitement, the unchained feeling of freedom and bind all at once to somewhere new. Be it a new school or a new city, the rush of it grinds the same. New is good.

But it can also leave a sense of longing. The thought of the people you’ve left behind moving on without you, living their lives without you, existing — without you. It’s not the settling in that provides the feeling of unrest, but rather, the self-created image of a little fly flapping its rapid wings and whispering to go back, to not let anything change.

And so, you do go back. You walk back to the canvas you painted only to realize that there are new colors on the finished piece. You see the people you once thought could never live without you — live, without you. But you’re not envious or mad, no, you could never be. Perhaps a bit sad, but how could you possibly explain that feeling? The feeling of letting go but wanting to grab back ahold.

— Landon 4/28/17

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