photo credit: Joshua Hansen

I love my girlfriend and I think other women are hotter.

I woke up this morning with a terrible feeling. I, like most twenty-somethings, woke up and opened up all of my different social media platforms before my feet hit the floor. I began scrolling through my Instagram only to see a female friend I knew who I was actually pretty interested in before I met my current girlfriend. I seen her profile and instantly had an inner turmoil knowing that I thought she was hotter than my girlfriend.

I instantly felt guilty. Ladies, I’ll crucify myself before you do it for me. I knew I was some piece of work to have the beautiful woman I do, only compare her to another woman, but I needed to admit to myself that I thought the acquaintance on the internet was hotter. Shame for my shallowness set in. My sensual desires craved something. So I did what anyone would do, I broke up with my girlfriend right there on the spot.

I broke up with my girlfriend in my head. You see, I don’t think its good to shut out these kind of intense emotions and feelings. If you don’t deal with them one way, they’ll come out somewhere else. You can’t run from you. So I gave myself the freedom to choose. I embraced my shame, my shallow-minded and pleasure-seeking self. I made the decision recognizing I had the power to break up with my girlfriend. I can do whatever I want, with whoever I want, whenever I want. The reality is if at any moment we do something out of obligation, we are no longer steering the direction of our lives, life is now telling us where to go. So, I knew that if I wanted to remain in control I needed to address what was inside of me, even if for a moment that means I’m thinking entirely with my penis. So after I consciously broke up with my girlfriend, I went through the mental and heart process of picturing what it would be like with this new woman and all that this new choice would bring.

Well, we’d have to start from square one and we would really have to get to know each other. She wouldn’t know my faults, my failures, my weaknesses, my gifts and abilities, my history, my family, my friends, my heartbreaks, my accomplishments, she wouldn’t know anything. As a matter of fact, she wouldn’t know me at all, nor would I know her. And that is the fact of the matter. I didn’t love her, I loved who I thought she would be. I think this is a common misconception in dating. We date because we think we can see ourselves with this person across from us. Sometimes, people hold onto that mental idea for a long time. It may last until the first fight, it may last past the first year, it could even last your first decade into marriage if you continually choose to deny your inner feelings, and by the default, your view of what’s actually happening in front of you. But the truth is, this idea image will not last forever. You will one day recognize that the person you thought he or she was in your head is not the person they are, and you’re going to have to get to know another differently-thinking, different value-holding, real life human being with flaws, imperfections, and dare I say body fat. But this is good news!

This is a beautiful gift because no one wants to be chosen for who they could be, who they’re going to be, or who they remind you of. The purest and most sexy form of love is the one where you embrace the whole person, flaws and all. And someone is going to do this back to you. And that is a great feeling, knowing that no one thinner, with more muscle mass, or career success can steal your romantic partner away.

Your relationship becomes built on the agreement that two people are openly and continually choosing one another over every other person available. This decision is not based on anything that you yourself are maintaining physically, emotionally, financially, or any other area that can be described as “successful” that we all so desperately strive for. This connection comes through trust that the other person looking into your eyes that says they aren’t leaving and they don’t want anyone else is fully based off of that other persons choice to protect you connection. That kind of openness and vulnerability can make you feel sickly weak, but it’s in this weak place that we have the pleasure of being served the strength that another wants to give to us. That is a relationship. Not give and take, but give and receive. I do think other women are hotter than my girlfriend, but I’m not naive enough to think that they’re more beautiful. I know I don’t have the biggest penis in the world, and I’m sure my girlfriend knows that too. But I’m confident in her choice towards me, just like she’s confident in my choice in her. I don’t want to live in a relationship built off of performance, high expectation, and unrealistic Hollywood standards, and neither does she. I’m happy with my perfect mess of a girlfriend. I wouldn’t want any other imperfection than her.

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