Introduction

At the beginning of last year, I nearly died.

On the first of January, 2013 I was skiing and on the ninth I found myself in the Emergency Department of the Bielański Hospital in Warsaw. The reason was acute heart failure (not to be confused with a heart attack) caused by overwork, stress and genetic predispositions. Straight from a business meeting, I went to the emergency room (thank you, Maggie!).

After that, for nearly three weeks I was in intensive care unit at the Institute of Cardiology in Anin, connected to equipment monitoring my vitals and to infusion pumps administering meds through a catheter directly into my heart. On the twenty fifth of January, I was listed for an urgent heart transplant. In total, I spent three months in the hospital.

It was a very happy time in my life.

I think that, for many, the previous sentence is shocking — hardly anyone would volunteer to experience such a situation. So why did I say that? I semiconsciously activated very sound principles, which I had not used in my everyday life before.

Lesson One. Acceptance of Circumstances

In the intensive therapy room, I saw in the distance just a piece of a window the size of a postage stamp and behind it a fragment of a tree branch covered with snow. I couldn’t get out of bed. On both sides, I was attached to medical devices. “It is now my world”— that’s it.

Accept the circumstances and objective constraints to which you are subject. Some things you cannot change, but you can act in spite of them, or even with their help. You have complete control over that which is internal to you. That which is external to you, you can have some influence over. Accept it. The seventeen-syllable form of the Japanese haiku (5-7-5) is not a restriction on creativity. It is a vessel that the poet fills with his creation. Your life circumstances are just such a form. Water needs a container; creativity needs a framework. Your life is your creation.

Lesson Two. One Goal, One Step

In the beginning, my primary objective boiled down to just one thing: live or die without too much pain. At any given moment, I would plan only one small step in the direction of my goal: get permission to use the toilet instead of the bedpan, wash up sitting in my bed, eat soup and not pass out from the effort. At the same time, I had had many professional and family problems, but I put them on the backburner. When I dealt with them, it was just one thing at a time; step by step. Then — a pause, rest; reminding myself what was the most important thing for me at the time.

Write down one big goal and 2-3 small steps to be done for the day, which will bring you closer to it. Start the day with them. Then do whatever you want. On your computer, install Focusbar or any other application that will remind you to do this one thing. You can also use Post-It notes. Just hold that primary objective of yours the most important thing in your mind. Why would anyone want to achieve things, which — in the long run — are completely meaningless?

Lesson Three. Shortening the Perspective

My perception narrowed down to the present: I’m lying; I’m turning to the other side; I’m eating my dinner, I’m going to get coronary angiography. Fear and suffering appeared only when I started to imagine life after surgery or transplantation (the procedure is gruesome, and the subsequent immunosuppression treatment has some nasty side effects). Thinking about it can really get you down.

Do not ponder on what will be — you don’t know that. On the first of January, I was skiing, and I did not expect that, on the ninth, I won’t be able to walk. All the time that I had spent worrying about things that I thought would happen after the ninth was forever wasted. Focus on what is now, on your goal and the small steps. If you have ruminating thoughts, use some techniques of distraction. You can wear on your wrist a rubber band and snap yourself with it to stop a negative train of thought.

Lesson Four. Proper Perspective

When it seemed to me that I was in a really bad situation, I remembered that I had a roof over my head, I was warm, well-fed and looked after. Millions of people suffer much worse fate (concentration camps, hunger); many of them have survived such circumstances and live to this day. My problems were, in fact, very small in comparison with their suffering. I do not particularly hurt — at most I will die, and what’s the big deal? Billions of people did it before me.

Think about it — other people are much worse off. Imagine people living in terrible circumstances. Identify yourself with them. Become for a while a mother whose child has just died of hunger on her hands. The conditions in which we now live were not available for the wealthiest people until quite recently. One hundred years ago, you would already be dead. Take a look at yourself and your problems from the perspective of eternity: you are not the center of the universe. And do not worry; after all, at most you will die.

Lesson Five. The Truth of the Situation

While in the hospital, I couldn’t race or compete or prove anything, nor I did not have to worry about other people’s opinion about me. In fact, I don’t need to do it at all, and never did. It’s not that “they” evaluated me, but I evaluated myself on the occasion of my ideas about their possible future statements about what might happen, which is largely is beyond my influence. What a stupidity!

Life is not a contest where the prize is the most impressive tombstone. The fear of “what others will say”, of how they will view your failure, is an unnecessary source of stress. Just ignore what others might say if you fail. The only important thing is to be able to look in the mirror and say: “I have no regrets. I gave it everything I could and wanted to. I have no influence over some things. I have achieved the best result I could.”

Lesson Six. Injecting Joy

After a week of hospitalization in the ICU at the Bielański Hospital, a decision was made to transfer me to the Institute of Cardiology in Anin because my condition continued to deteriorate. The words were spoken: “counter-pulsation”, “artificial chamber”, “transplantation.” I was riding in an ambulance with the siren on, and next to me was sitting a very sad young lady doctor. I said to her: “Doctor, and what you so worried about? Just look at me!” She smiled broadly and replied: “Thank you, I’m feeling much better now.” Despite the absurdity of the situation, I also felt better because I was able to do something positive for another person.

Notice someone who is next to you. Do for them something small, but nice. Let someone pass you over in the queue; say hello to the security guard; get interested in the life of a cleaning lady. They will feel better, and your mirroring neurons will take care of improving your own mood. In addition to the pragmatic justification; it’s just the right thing to do!

Lesson Seven. Rest

After many years without a real vacation I was able to finally — out of necessity — completely unplug from work. Only in a critical situation did I give myself to the right to do so (as if it needed a special permit). Still, snow was falling, trees were standing, and the sun rose every day. I guess I wasn’t quite as indispensable as I had thought.

At least once a year, cut off from the world for at least three weeks. Leave your phone and computer at home. Imagine that you are helpless in the hospital, and you can’t do anything. Rent a very expensive resort and pay the full amount in advance; otherwise, there will always be something more important. Do not work on weekends — you’ll be very slow and will make many mistakes. Even firefighters and cardiac surgeons do get holidays! In your free time don’t sit at the computer or spend time at the mall. Walk — half an hour to an hour is a lot of exercise. Go down the stairs. Climb the stairs. Take the tram, not a car. Install Breaktime or a similar app that will periodically block your computer and force a few minutes’ break. You’re not going to do it all — no matter what. Get rest before you end up in an ICU.

Lesson Eight. Contact with People

On the night of January the twenty-fifth I could not sleep. It was the day I was listed for an urgent transplant. Finally, I decided to post a message about it on Facebook. Although it was the middle of the night, within a few minutes, I started to get supportive comments. I got a lot of messages from people who thanked me for the positive impact I had had on their lives. I also had a lot of visitors, friends and acquaintances; a few people a day practically the whole period in hospital. The support of my closest family was very helpful. I didn’t even know there were so many well-wishers! The attention of my attending doctor in the Cardiac ICU was invaluable, and so was the help I got from a psychologist working at the Department of Heart Failure and Transplantology (by the way, what a name!).

To my surprise, my ex and some of her friends wrote me: “You had it coming, you man without a heart!” I wept, banned them, and ignored such shit. Those ladies told me more about themselves than about me.

Life is not climbing on Mt. Everest alone. You need help and support of other people. There may be many people who wish you well. Invite them to your home, not for a party but just to talk. Do not schedule a day and time — it is just another source of stress. Rather, agree that they will call you a day in advance. In the worst case, you won’t be able to meet this time. However, if for a long time can’t cope with your situation, reach for help to a professional psychotherapist. I recommend the rational-emotive behavioral therapy (REBT) approach.

Lesson Nine. Bibliotherapy

One thing that is not in short supply in the hospital is time. I read and watched a lot (movies I hadn’t time to see, YouTube, audiobooks). Luckily I managed to avoid television. Finally, I had the time to get to know the Austrian school of economics.

Good reading is very nourishing. Avoid television, radio, news, information and gossip sites — it’s noise. Belive me, if there’s something important, you’ll learn about it anyway. This way you’ll reclaim many hours a week and you’ll have a chance to ingest a lot of positive content.

Lesson Ten. Finding the Positive

When I was in a really bad shape, I did the following exercise every day: at the end of the day I wrote on my iPhone (saving is very important!) at least three specific positive things that I had happened to me that day and how they felt. Here’s the transcript of January 15th:

• I tolerated well my coronary angiography, good results for the right ventricle.
• Magical conversation with E., even though about nothing.
• The nurse took good care of me tonight.

Set a reminder on your phone to ring at the end of the day, and every day write, for at least two weeks, three positive things. Seligman’s rigorous research showed that this simple exercise is extremely effective. If you like gadgets, install a journaling app on your phone, such as Day One.

The End

Finally, there has been no operation and after a control visit in early June, I was taken off the waiting list for a heart transplant as a result of a significant improvement in health — the case of one in a thousand.