Ten Years, Two Photos, One Struggle

2007 and 2017.
I’m sharing this because I accidentally found the photo on the left while rummaging through the attic to make space for some stuff. I post a lot on social media, sometimes even here on Medium, but I don’t like getting too personal about my inner struggles.
These two photos are just about ten years apart… I look at the one on the left and all I can see is the absolute depression I was feeling at the time. I had been out of grad school (where the weight gain had begun) for about a year and a half…and ballooned up to about 235 or 240lbs. Even though I was smiling, I was miserable.
It’s tough to say why. Depression doesn’t always explain itself. I remember this woman I knew in my graduate school who ran the costume shop saw me one day when the weight gain really began. She took a long look at me with a sad look on her face and simply said, “Sad man?” I almost broke out crying. I said, “Yeah.” It hurt that someone could so obviously see it.
By the time of the photo on the left I hit a pivotal point where I wanted to change…and started to do so. It took about 3 years or so, but I finally lost around 50–60lbs. Didn’t lose the depression, but it was nice to be on the road to…something else…something healthier.
Whenever anyone hears that they say, “Good for you!” I usually reply, “Thanks…but it’s funny… No one ever congratulates you for GAINING all that weight.” Maybe because in my case they saw all the misery I was sinking into at the time.
I look at that the photo on the right and I see a guy still struggling with the great unnameable sadness, but at least he’s dealing with it in somewhat healthier ways. The weight still jumps up or down 5 to 10 lbs now-&-then…but never quite like 10 years ago.
I have loads of friends and colleagues who struggle with weight loss, exercise, nutrition, depression, or all of the above. I guess I want to share this to show I’m here with you, just like a lot of you have been here with me. Those of you who know me are well aware I wear a lot of my thoughts and feelings on my sleeve even if I don’t always readily admit to them.
Regardless, I’m here for you.
I’m here with you.
Thanks for reading.
NOTE — I originally wrote this post for Instagram and Facebook on August 25th, 2017, but felt like sharing it here after getting an overwhelming response. I hope my words might help anyone else dealing with depression, anxiety, or any other problems.
