Los Angeles, so far

Well, I have managed to ignore this blog far too long because things kinda hit the fan, and I have yet to see if that thing that hit it was just a lump of shit.

My journey here is to end soon, and I am not sure what is about to come out of it.

A friend tells me that after living in Los Angeles for a few months, I am going to have a certain street cred. And then there’s the usual, “you will come out of it stronger, more resolute, wise, etc., etc….”

Which brings us to the questions:

Why am I here anyway?

Why Los Angeles?

What were you expecting in Los Angeles?

I had this romantic notion that I would find love here, and I don’t strictly refer to the kind of love that leads one to the altar, ALTHOUGH that would be nice. But not really.

Life is really about that constant search for the arms that will welcome you and keep you here.

So far, it felt like I went through this distanced tango with Los Angeles: sometimes I love you, sometimes I don’t, in some days I am desperate, but something inside me — not sure if it’s the mind, the heart, the soul, or the devil, really — tells me that it is not the perfect fit.

Why so?

Because Los Angeles has something I want, but not the values I have.

It’s quite tough, getting physically close to a dream located in a city that cries for another, a city that’s so conflicted that people have to go their own ways for the purpose of self-preservation.

And that brings some conflict for me, Ms. Well-Preserved.

It’s like a tease to have an affair with someone. You’re just in it for the sex.

You know?

And it’s not like I am looking forward to leaving, I am just going to have to face the fact that this is probably a dating arrangement gone wrong.

And I am not that heartbroken, because, frankly, if Los Angeles wants to make it work, the universe knows where to find me.

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