Five ways to survive and thrive: a personal account
This is a transcript of a half hour presentation I gave* at the NW Museums Federation’s Wellbeing & Resilience Seminar at the Harris Museum, Preston on 8th June 2018. Here’s the accompanying slides.
[long read]
Eighteen months ago I woke up in the morning with bites on my leg which I thought were from mosquitoes. Ten days later they’d developed into ‘bull’s-eye’ rashes. Being an active walker, I knew exactly what they were, and what they meant. I found myself heading rather swiftly to the nearest walk-in centre, and the doctors confirmed I’d contracted Lyme disease. It can be a rather nasty and potentially life-long, life-limiting disease which has all manner of complicated and difficult-to-assess symptoms from facial palsy and nerve damage through to brain fog and cardiac problems. Lyme disease-carrying ticks can be found throughout the UK in urban parks and gardens as well as in the countryside.
So why am I telling you this story? Because it spurred me on to make some small but fundamental changes to the way I work and live; I’ve taken practical steps which have made a real difference to my personal health and wellbeing. And I’d like to share some of those things with you today.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name’s Marge Ainsley. I’ve been freelance for the last ten years, working mostly — but not exclusively — with cultural organisations across the country. I’m a facilitator and trainer, and do a lot of research and strategy work especially around audience development.
“Being freelance isn’t all Starbucks, Macbooks and afternoon naps.” (André Spiteri)
When you tell people that you’re freelance, they often imagine it involves getting up whenever you like, swanning around lots of coffee shops or watching daytime TV. Whereas the reality can be more like running a marathon. On any single day I could be working on up to ten projects, answering multiple calls and emails, applying for new work, getting calls about advice on projects, preparing for talks, running my own accounts, taking care of my marketing, attending private views, networking events, trustee meetings: you get the picture. Before I got ill, my day regularly involved working 12-hour+ days and weekends, often passing like ships in the night with my husband and step-son.
There are different schools of thought about whether there’s such a thing as ‘work life balance’ and I’m not going to get into that here. But during my recovery, I recognised that I needed to take some practical steps to improve my personal wellbeing, and to do that I had to make changes to my work life. Here’s five different areas I’ve been reflecting on, and trying to do something about, over the last 18 months.
Connect
Often freelancers struggle working by themselves, and feel a sense of isolation. For me, connection between family, friends and work colleagues (whether clients or associates) is key to a happy work and life environment. Social relationships are really important to me. And building stronger, broader social connections can increase your feelings of happiness and self-worth. Many of us would like to spend more time with people who are important to us; but in reality, having a busy job, caring duties or home life can make this tricky.
People describe me as a ‘connector’ or ‘cultivator’; I enjoy keeping in touch with people, building new networks and friendships. But before getting Lyme, keeping up these connections was starting to wear me down. Juggling work, family and my own interests had got to the point where I felt like I couldn’t win and was trying to please everyone (except probably myself). If I stayed late for a private view, I felt guilty for not being at home. If I was at home looking after my step-son, I felt like I was missing out on networking opportunities for the business or letting clients down. I started cancelling commitments with friends, or hobby groups because I had too much work to get through or was tired out from keeping on top of everything.
So I did two things.
Firstly, I began to get much firmer at saying ‘no’. This is often a major challenge for freelancers because a) there’s a fear factor about when you’re next job will come in b) you don’t want to develop a reputation for being constantly busy resulting in potential clients stopping approaching you or c) you’re simply being obstructive. It happens in employed roles too: we say ‘yes’ and then aren’t honest about when we can realistically complete a task by.
“Most stress people experience comes from inappropriately managed commitments they make or accept.” (Dave Allen)
Secondly, I evaluated and prioritised what really mattered and focused time on those things. I made a conscious decision to not go to any work events on Wednesday evenings when I have our step-son. I avoid working on weekends wherever possible. I take greater advantage of being freelance by spending an hour or two out of the office on sunny days (giving myself permission to do this, rather than feeling guilty!), working later in the evening instead. And I spend Fridays only focusing on business admin and accounting, doing this at a co-working space with freelancers which also gives me that sense of connection. It sounds like bloody common sense, but working smarter — rather than harder — has made a massive difference to me.
“There is always more to do than you can do, and you can only do one thing at a time. The key is to feel as good about what you’re not doing as about what you are doing at that moment.” (Dave Allen)
Keeping connected in the digital as well as physical world can help those feeling isolated or vulnerable by giving them a sense of community. Social media is also important for freelancers, helping us feel connected to others who are self-employed and working alone. But I’d become increasingly conscious of how much time I was spending on my phone — especially at night, and especially answering work related emails and participating in discussion groups. And as a freelancer, I’d always adopted a 24/7 availability approach. This typically meant checking email on an evening, on holidays and weekends; basically always having my phone on, and responding to emails straight away. Reassessing things after getting ill made me realise this behaviour wasn’t very fair on my family, or healthy for me.
At the last Museum Freelancer Network conference, Mike Ellis of Thirty8 Digital challenged us to make our mobiles boring. This involved removing apps that distract us with constant notifications and/or foster FOMO, checking them only when you’re at your computer. So, I deleted Facebook, twitter, and Outlook off my phone for a week, and only checked them when I was back at my desk.
“A survey by Deloitte in 2017 found 55% of phone users check their device within 15 minutes of waking up — while 41% believed their partner used a mobile too much.”
It was liberating. I got loads of work done on the move. I felt good not being physically attached to my phone all the time. It highlighted how inextricably linked our personal and work lives are with digital products (I struggled with not having access to my calendar which is the same for work and home life). But most importantly, I realised it’s OK to not always be available; to not always be ‘on’. That the world doesn’t fall apart if I’m not permanently and immediately answering emails. And let’s face it — if it’s that urgent, people will call and leave a message. For me this process hasn’t been about abandoning my communications, just adjusting them.
“On average, office workers receive at least 200 messages a day and spend about two-and-a-half hours reading and replying to emails. On average, we check emails 15 times a day.” (Forbes)
Mike and I are not the only ones starting to rethink how mobiles impact on our health and wellbeing. So I’d invite you to experiment with your mobile behaviour, at home and at work. Reflect on how any changes make you feel, whether you lose a sense of connection, or whether you feel more connected to those physically present in your lives. Look at how you’re managing your emails and consider whether you’re getting distracted by them both at work and home. When you’re at your desk, can you switch email off to focus on work instead? Can you create two or three windows in your day, where you check emails? Can you pick the phone up more? Can you draft emails in the work day when you feel the need, but send them when you’re leaving work so you don’t get a barrage of replies to distract you during the day (I’m crediting business coach Simon Seligman for that one!)?
Be active
Think back to the last time you took a full 1-hour lunch break. Fully away from your desk, away from your phones.
Before getting ill, I never moved away from my desk. I’d sit down at 8am (or earlier) and the next thing I knew it was 4pm. I didn’t see much in the way of daylight and eating lunch away from my desk was a rarity. As someone who runs training sessions across the country, I frequently see this behaviour in others. I always allocate at least 45 minutes for lunch and what do the participants do? They sit in the training room, on their phones, catching up with emails.
I’m not advocating for a Spanish-style 2-hour lunch break (although wouldn’t that be nice?!) but we all know how much more productive we can be after just ten minutes break and fresh air. Yet we don’t tend to regularly repeat this behaviour. You might be thinking, ‘well that’s easy for you to say, you’re freelance, we haven’t got time, this project has to be signed off’ or, ‘we’ve got back to back meetings’. That’s the same kind of challenges that I face. But take a minute to think about who’s in charge of that schedule. Who has the power to make a change and not accept that meeting request? Who’s in charge of the deadlines and timetable? Who are we waiting to receive permission from to go for lunch?
We can only give that permission to ourselves.
If you really feel that you have absolutely no time to take ten minutes away from your desk to get some fresh air, I challenge you to make a swap. Monitor how long you spend on social media, internet browsing, or getting distracted by emails. And I guarantee you’ll find at least 10 minutes there to swap-out with getting out of the office and having a break. You can make that change happen.
Before I got ill, I was struggling to find motivation to do any exercise after work, especially in the winter. Now I try to build in at least 10 minutes walking at lunchtime — wherever I am, in a city with a client or at home. If you’re not someone who likes to exercise or struggles to find time for it, think about building in physical activity into your work day rather than seeing it as a chore at the end. If you’re that worried about losing time away from work, take a museum podcast with you.
I’m also a big fan of outdoor (often called walking) meetings. The next time you’ve got a meeting which could be held outdoors, go outside and see what happens. Select an accessible environment for those involved, and hold your meeting outside. Use a dictaphone to take notes. Of course, they aren’t suitable for everyone or certain meetings. But perhaps consider where they could play a part in your daily work — whether it’s an informal team catch up or a 1–1. Being active does not mean you have to spend hours at the gym.
Take notice
Looking up from my phone or laptop more often, taking notice of something new, or amazing every day has been a really simple way to ground myself.
“Between the time you woke up today and now, did you think of anything you needed to do that you still haven’t done?” (Dave Allen)
Our minds are so full of stuff; we’re permanently thinking about the next thing we’ve got to do in our day, rather than actually ‘looking’ at or being ‘present’ in, the world around us. How many of us in this room during today’s talks have reached for our phones to have a quick check of emails, or have felt compelled to do so even if we didn’t actually do it? Our brains are constantly thinking about what we haven’t done yet.
So try to be more aware of the world around you and find something each day; whether that’s looking out of the train, or whilst walking to work. It’s all about remembering the simple things in life that bring you joy, which can be massively helpful in giving perspective especially when you’re swamped with projects.
I’ve already described how reflecting about how you feel or ‘checking in’ with yourself in certain situations can be an eye-opener. Something I’ve started building in to my own work is taking notice of how I feel about projects rather than just obsessing with getting them done. If I make a change, I watch what happens — like the mobile phone challenge. One of the most common complaints I hear from clients is that they don’t have time in their schedule to stop, and reflect on whether what they’re doing is the right thing, or if it’s working at all. They’re on that constant treadmill of going from one deadline to the next. Try to make time for reflection: not only about your work outputs and outcomes, but how you feel about it.
I’ve also started to take more notice about the actual time I spend on projects by using digital platforms like toggl. It can be a real help in terms of seeing where your hours go, tracking the amount of real work that gets done versus all the distractions.
Think about how paying more attention to the present moment, to your own thoughts and feelings and the world around you could improve your mental wellbeing.
Keep learning
Learning new skills is obviously useful, but it can also positively affect our mental wellbeing. And that doesn’t have to mean getting more qualifications. There are loads of ways to bring learning into your life.
If you follow me on twitter you’ll know that one of the things I constantly bang on about for freelancers is continual professional development (CPD). Keeping learning as a freelancer is particularly important, to ensure we stay relevant and meet the needs of our clients. But one thing you hear a lot from freelancers is ‘I can’t afford CPD’ — often because it’s no longer the employer who’s stumping up the bill. My approach is to put a set amount of money aside each month, review the total in December when I do a lot of business planning, and then book my CPD for the following year using the budget I’ve set aside.
But in the early days of being freelance, I’d forget to invest in my own training and development because no one was conducting my appraisal; there was no one waving a training budget at me. So I made a conscious decision to take charge of my own learning. Whether you’re freelance or work in a permanent role, we can — and need — to take responsibility for our own learning. Quite simply because it’s good for us.
Also, we should be more flexible about what CPD ‘looks like’. It doesn’t have to be an expensive course or a full day out of the office. Taking a free MOOC, attending a breakfast networking event or a special subject Meet Up are all great learning opportunities. Perhaps challenge yourself to do something new, and take notice about how you feel. It could be presenting a paper at a conference, or finding the time to apply for a study grant you’ve been putting off for years. I’m also a big fan of learning from outside the sector. For example, if you do a lot of writing in your job, why not look at the Pro-Copywriters Conference? Learning through reading is also important. We’ve got so much material at our fingertips. I tend to borrow books for free from the library via their e-books scheme called Borrow Box so I’ve always got something on the go. Aside from anything else, just 30 minutes’ reading per week can make a massive difference to your wellbeing.
Learning really can boost self-confidence and self-esteem, it helps give a sense of purpose, and connects us with others. Think about how you can build more of it into your life.
Give
Helping others can give us a sense of purpose and create feelings of self-worth. Giving our time to others in a constructive way also helps us strengthen our relationships and build new ones. And it’s just nice to give something back isn’t it? I volunteer as a Dementia Friends Champion and for Contact the Elderly — a charity which organises tea parties for the over 75’s to reduce feelings of isolation. It’s been great for feeling like I’m making a difference. And it makes me feel happy that I’m making a positive contribution to society. I’ve also learned loads about a totally different (but complementary) field to the one I’m in, so it’s benefited my work too.
Giving doesn’t necessarily have to be volunteering (although there are plenty of opportunities to volunteer online for 5 minutes, or an hour these days through micro-volunteering). It could quite simply be doing something nice for a friend, or thanking someone. It could be giving someone time at work who you feel needs it. Being more ‘present’ rather than looking down at your phone on a night; giving attention to those you care about. I invite you to think how you could give. And to take notice about how it feels when you do. Small or large acts of kindness can make us feel happier and more satisfied about life.
What I’ve actually been describing here are the 5 ways to wellbeing: connect, be active, take notice, give, and keep learning.
They were designed by NEF (New Economics Foundation) and are a series of actions, based on extensive research compiled by NEF for the Government’s Foresight project on Mental Capital and Wellbeing, that essentially show that wellbeing doesn’t depend on spending money or consuming more.
I didn’t set out 18 months ago thinking ‘right I’m going to follow the 5 ways to wellbeing’, it’s only since I’ve been reflecting on my own circumstances that I’ve realised how much they’ve played a key role in both my recovery, and how I try to be a resilient freelancer.
Sharing these personal experiences is a big deal for me and some colleagues may have dissuaded me in doing so. When you’re freelance you feel pressured to present a particular image of yourself. I’ve got a reputation for being organised, efficient and good at what I do, so talking publicly about things that could be perceived as ‘weaknesses’ can feel like quite a risk. And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell anyone outside my family and close colleagues when I got ill. Luckily, I’m very much on the mend and I’ve been able to continue working without any negative impact on my projects or my clients’ timetables.
It’s important that we do more within the sector — including in the freelance community — to talk more about the challenges we face with our personal health and wellbeing, and how our work impacts on that.
For me, wellbeing is when you feel good and enjoy your everyday life. By sharing my personal experiences, I hope I’ve inspired you to consider whether one or a combination of the five ways could help you develop your resilience. It’s certainly helped me.
“Live the life you love. Love the life you live.” (Bob Marley)
*Without a script or notes! A first for me. Thanks to Steve Folland and Being Freelance for the encouragement and presentation tips.
