Lost&Found, January edition

Or, how I failed to be a good human

I flew to the heart of Alaska the night of the 24th December, to spend here 6 weeks of my favorite season. I’ll share a page of my journal with the Medium community, just to keep track of this funny stump of a year.

“Alaska in January?!?”

Everyone needs a certain amount of solitude and human contacts, so when they’re well balanced we feel nourished, but if one of the two exceeds we start feeling drained. As an hardcore introvert, I’m gasping for space and silence most of the time. On the other hand, I love my fellows human beings and I really want to be a good person, which unavoidably imply some sort of company.

Found #01. Turns out, isolation is nothing funny.

Many people came here to get away from the world, as I did, but if I am similar to some of these lone wolves I should be worried. And by the way, thanks God — or the native’s Raven — I was not that isolated, and I got to make a few good friends. To cope with loneliness, a lot of people drink every day and smoke tons of marijuana.

Everyone told me from the beginning that people here are very, very friendly, even the very isolated ones. Well, you’ll see often a flash of happiness when the lone wolves meet someone new, and that’s the sign they’ll start ‘being friendly’: they will vomit on you every single story, anecdote or wisdom nugget they can, before someone else sees you and tries to get your ears. I’ve been trying to escape several times just to be intercepted in the next corner. And they won’t ask your opinion, except for: ‘so what do you think of our president?’.

Uhm… Before I answer this question, may I ask you something: do you happen to have any gun with you?

Lost #01. An old mindset.

I realized what would happen if I just choose to go for the dark side and isolate: I would stop growing and start getting older, and become a middle age child. I wouldn’t notice it once the damage is done, as the examples of this parabola seemed to be proudly unsuspecting, so why should I care? I would feel more than fine, right? But I want to be a good human! Unfortunately, basing on some recent feedbacks, I am a very disgusting specimen of my species, and an horrible doughter and girlfriend. There’s a long way to go.

Found #02. Internet is a bad person as well.

I’m thankful to internet for providing jobs to travellers, but it’s double-edged. You were online and you didn’t text me? BAD GIRL!

Lost #02. The dogma of Christmas has been wrecked down.

I loved to be free from Christmas this year, and feel allowed to celebrate the begin of my favorite season without all that mandatory social crap. I’m sorry for all the people who connected with me for Christmas… I find it cute, but you know, also pretty superficial. As a game, it was fun the first 10, even 20 years, but it’s also pretty stressful, the songs are a pain in the brain, and all that light drive me nuts. I observed a very american christmacy atmosphere by staying with the cutest family in Portland until the 24th, and that felt pretty pleasant, but I also enjoyed my status of outsider. Let’s face it: I’m a very ugly soul, a disgusting grinch. There’s a long way to become a better person.

Re-found #01. An old identity.

Here in Fairbanks I got a first aid certificate from the American Red Cross, which came together with my childhood nickname.

“Ok, let’s see. You: what’s your name?”

“Margherita.”

“o___o”

“You know, the pizza?”

“o___o”

“… Maggie?”

“Oh, ok, I can do that! So Maggie you will be our victim. Lay down there.”

Greetings from Alaska, reign of lone wolves, rifles and and stunning landscapes.

— — —

Fun Fact: as I found out when I came here, ‘Santa’s house’ is near Fairbanks, in a place called North Pole, which happens to be also the homeland of sex offenders. I will not add any comment here, ok?