Why You Must Celebrate the Hell Out of Breakups
I’ve been privileged to be the designated friend who has now organized 3 bachelorette parties, 1 bridal shower, and 1 baby shower. All within a couple of years of each other. And I’m sincerely happy for my wonderful friends.
Special life events deserve to be acknowledged and celebrated.
You get engaged and there’s a celebration.
You get married and there’s a celebration.
You get pregnant and there’s a celebration.
You have the baby and there’s a celebration.
All of these events merit this recognition and festivities, without a doubt. Some of these are, hopefully, once-in-a-lifetime celebrations and they should be made into a big deal. They are symbols of great change, transformation and evolution. And that is beautiful.
However, what happens when you go through a breakup? Which then causes you to have to move, which is another big change. A move into a shared apartment with roommates, after having lived alone or with a boyfriend for years. THIS is change. This is transformation. This is evolution.
And nobody gives a damn. Certainly, this isn’t celebrated.
So then it takes a GREAT amount of effort for the person who’s going through this transformation to see these events in a positive way. Great effort….like every single moment of every single day effort.
That’s my story. I’m going to mention, for dramatic effect, that I’m in my mid-30’s, several years older than my most recent friend who nominated me to organize her bridal shower and bachelorette party. And when I say “nominated,” it’s really “appointed.” I was never asked. It’s not like I was forced, and I could have said no. But I didn’t. I fully admit that.
I was appointed “organizer” just as my relationship was ending. I was an emotional mess. But excited newly-engaged women don’t see past themselves. And, as someone who has a bit of an oldest-child syndrome, I always feel the need to show that I’m strong and okay….that I can handle anything.
What I sometimes wanted to say is, “sure, let me plan your happy life event celebrations as my heart is currently shattered into pieces, and this planning will only continuously remind me of my failed relationship and where I’m at in life, and, oh right, you’re years younger than me which just makes me feel worse.”
But that would make me a selfish, self-pitying bitch. So I digress.
The important point I want to make here is that engagements and babies symbolize new beginnings. And we celebrate the hell out of them.
Why do we only celebrate these events when something appears to be gained, i.e., ring/husband/baby and we pity the other events i.e., breakups and everything that follows, that appear to be losses?
We need to do the same with events that appear to be losses. Because in fact, they’re not losses. That’s just an illusion. We need to celebrate the hell out of breakups and everything that follows. Whether you believe in fate or destiny or not, a failed relationship means that it wasn’t right…it wasn’t meant to be. And breaking up is making room for the person who is meant to be.
Breaking up frees you from a place you don’t belong. That deserves one hell of a celebration, dear friends.
Moving into a shared apartment after being independent for so many years has felt like the biggest step backwards. I do believe that the universe has got my back though. There are certain signs that I believe in that have been largely present during the last few months. If you want to roll your eyes and judge me right now that is totally your right. Go for it. All I know is that during some of my most heart-wrenching moments these signs appeared, and the amount of peace I’ve gained during those moments is indescribable. So I’m sticking to them. It has allowed me to believe that this “step backwards” really is a step in the right direction. And I have to constantly make an effort to believe this. Like a-hundred-times-a-day constantly.
None of those friends, whose happy life event celebrations I’ve planned, helped me with my move. (My very pregnant friend is completely excused.) No celebrations. No housewarming gifts. No real acknowledgement.
I’m not saying this for you to feel sorry for me. I’m saying this because we absolutely need to take a new approach to these kinds of life events.
The reason I chose to move is to save more money so that I can invest in myself. Invest in a move back to my respective country if I choose to do so. Invest in more travel adventures, the greatest joy and passion in my life. To invest in education to further my career. To invest in freezing my eggs to take some fucking pressure off of myself. All of these reasons deserve to be honored and celebrated.
A couple of my friends have recently told me that they love and appreciate me, and are here for me. “I’m just a phone call away.” And that is so wonderful to hear and I’m incredibly grateful for those words, to a point. Words do lose credibility when actions don’t back them up.
So, to my fellow women out there, please think about this the next time your friend is going through a “difficult” life event. Be there to celebrate it with her. Help her see that it’s an opportunity for something BIGGER and BETTER….an opportunity for growth. An opportunity for transformation. An opportunity for evolution. An opportunity for her to finally get what she wants.
Round up your tribe and celebrate, just as you would if she announced her engagement. Help free her from the illusions of self-pity, moving backwards and loneliness.
Imagine the self-empowerment that would be cultivated with such a celebration, and how much that could lift her up.
Cheers to all of you, and may you soar incredibly high.