Maria loves Oscars frocks 2015

So you know how I love award show frocks. Seriously, I’m boring about it. Here’s my round up of Oscars flummery:

Margot Robbie won. I wasn’t convinced at first but it was a grower. Faye Dunaway at her most 1970s brilliant, meets Daisy Buchanan from the Great Gatsby, meets Debbie Harry. With a properly gorgeous necklace. She looks foxy.

Dakota Johnson looks effortless and it’s a beautiful dress. But I can’t get past the feeling that she looks (and is?) a bit dull. Which makes me mean.

Big thumbs up from me for Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Hudson, Oprah (and Oprah’s boobs!), Naomi Watts. Also Emma Stone and Nicole Kidman — both wearing a yellowy green colour that I reckon you can only wear if you’re a red head. And Cate Blanchett who is always perfect and who I would happily rugby tackle for that necklace.

Is it just me who’s bored of the ‘wow she has by the power of eating tissues and employing engineering worthy of Isambard Kingdom Brunel managed to fit into a frock 3 minutes after sprogging. Isn’t she UH-MAZ-ING?!’ I kind of think the rhetoric needs to change. This puts me right off Rosamund Pike’s frock I’m afraid which I ultimately think is fussy and a bit try hard. Eat biscuits and wear something with some give my love.

Keira and Sophie’s non-mothercare maternity dresses. All hail the very non-maternity and very high split on Sophie’s frock I say. Keira looks nice — a little bit whimsical for me though (despite the graffiti).

Zoe Saldana, Viola Davis, Jennifer Aniston, Kerry Washington, Jessica Chastain — snore…

Gwyneth Paltrow needs to stop wearing My Little Pony Pink. Now. There should be legislation around this.

J-Lo, J-Lo, J-Lo. Do you want to be Princess Di or do you want to get your boobs out? Which is it? Choose.

Marion Cottilard. I get that it’s dead fashiony. But it’s a duvet, it’s actually a duvet.

Can’t decide if I love or hate Anna Kendrick’s dress. It’s the colour, which is simultaneously wishy-washy and looks amazing with her skin-tone. Is it a bit bridesmaid?

Dressing for the red carpet is a dangerous business — Scarlett Johansson is being eaten by a necklace. Felicity Jones is being eaten by her dress. Laura Dern would sink without trace if she accidentally fell into a river. Lupita Nyong’o must have pins and needles in her arse after sitting on pearls for hours. And has someone thrown Eccles cakes at Julianne Moore? Maybe that’s why Sienna Miller has come dressed as somebody else.

I like Lady Gaga’s frock. There, I have said it.

And special prize goes to Melanie Griffiths who looks absolutely shit hot. And let’s be honest, she has the tendency to look pretty shocking. I bet she feels a million dollars and so she should.

PS I love her a bit you know *backing out of the room singing the soundtrack to working girl*




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