A Young Soul Goes to Jail
Collins hits his fingers at the wooden table, a sign of his impatience. He sincerely hopped this was the last statement he would have to write before lunch.
Collins: Ok, sir, so let me read your statement. You were at a bar, when a man of approximately 40 years old…
Simon: Actually, I would say 37. Maybe 38, but not 40. No, not 40…
Collins: So you were at a bar when a man of approximately 37…
Simon: 38, 38. Yes, 38 is better
The police officer sighed.
Collins: You were at a bar when a man of 38 years old…
Collins: Called you a “grandpa”. Then, you threw an olive at the man. Is that correct?
Simon: Not really. I didn’t throw the olive directly at him. I would say I was aiming at two inches away from him, but I apparently missed…
Collins: Are you saying the olive didn’t hit him?
Simon: No, it did. But I was not aiming at him, I would never do that. I consider myself a true pacifist.
Collins: Ok… so it did hit him. Can you describe the weapon of crime?
Simon: Weapon? Crime? Did I commit a crime? No sir… police officer, I think you didn’t understand it. I wasn’t planning to throw it at him, it was all just a small accident. Just a misunderstanding.
Collins couldn’t stop thinking of how many channels on his smart TV were more fun than this job.
Collins, trying to be patient as much as he could: Sir, can you describe the olive, please?
Simon: Oh, the olive… it was the olive of my martini… I mean, my friend’s martini. I don’t drink. I’m a very religious man.
Collins: An olive from your friend’s martini… and then…
Simon: And then the man threw french fries at me. But I’m sure this wasn’t an accident…
Collins: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to be quiet so I can read the whole statement.
Simon: Sure, sir police officer. I’m really glad to help you bring justice to this matter.
Collins: Ok… so you, Mr. Jenkins, were at a bar, when a man of approximately 38 years old called you “grandpa”. You then threw an olive from your friend’s martini at him and he threw french fries at you…
Simon: No, sir, I told you I wasn’t aiming at him…
Collins: Quiet! There was bar fight, everyone started throwing food at each other… And the man ran away.
Simon: Yes, that part is correct.
Collins: And your full name is… Mr. Simon Jenkins, 73 years old. Retired?
Simon: No, sir. I’m rock star…
Collins: A rock star?
Simon: I was once a retired nurse, but now I can’t stop working. My fans need me! I don’t know if you ever heard this band called The Young Souls? I can take a picture with you if you want…
Collins: Never heard of it.
Simon: Well, maybe your children know me. My grandchildren…
Collins: I don’t have kids. Can I have your signature, please?
Simon: Oh, you want my autograph? I’d love to give you that, but you’ve got to correct that part that says I threw the olive at him, because it wasn’t actually…
Collins: Sir, I have very important things to do. Can you please just sign the document?
Simon: Ok, ok… you know, I really admire your job sir police officer. Thank you for making the city a much safer place.
Collins: Thanks. Now, please sign the document.
Simon: Sure! Wow, this letters are really small, where am I supposed to…
Collins: Here, here. Sign it here.
Simon: Where? I can’t see it. Can I please have my glasses, sir police officer?
The day has just started, but it was already too long.
When Collins took the subject outside, he couldn’t believe his eyes. This man was actually a rock star, and apparently a very famous one.
Simon said “thank you” so many times as the number of gifts and letters threw at him as he passed through the crowd. All of those high school kids screaming to show how they were happy Mr. Simon was back. Even though there’s only been five days since he went to jail.
So there was Simon, Bernie, Edward, Yan, and even old Tommy. Everyone reunited. The combined age of everyone at the table should be around 350 years.
They were all at the same bar they went to for more than 40 years now.
Bernie: So how was it? Did they put you in handcuffs? Was there a good cop and a bad cop?
Simon: Hum… there was only one cop, a very fine young man.
Tommy: Did you have a cellmate? Were you afraid?
Simon: Not really… But you all know what? None of those things matter. Now I’m a real rock star! Let’s celebrate, next round is on me!
Bernie: Yeah, let’s celebrate. But let me tell you what Simon, next one is gonna be me. And I’m gonna spit on the cops and call them names they’ve never heard of. You’ll see the real rock star.
Simon: Bernie! Are you gonna say the bad word?
Bernie: What bad word?
Simon: That one that start with c…
Bernie: Oh, crap? It’s not a bad word. I’m gonna call them the f word, and the d word, and all the bad words. You’ll all see.