Mediating Self-Love

I have had to learn and unlearn self-love

I have had to learn how to transform it

place it out of myself

expand it

till I forget to trace it back

where it started


They loved me when I was lost

when I was depressed

when I was weak

They loved me when I was fat

when my body felt like a prison

when I was numb


I have had to learn unlearn and then learn again

how to recognize love

how to feel it

how to trust it

how to let go


They loved me when I was wrong

when I was stubborn

when I was ignorant

They loved me when I was cold

when I was distant

when I was full of doubt


I have had to remind myself to

shed the when’s

unmask the despites

silence the benevolent voices

because benevolence never belonged to me


They loved me when I didn’t love myself.


I have had to learn and unlearn and learn again

with every look

every touch

every word

how to fiercely

carefully

intently

protect my self-love.