Your (Un)Official Girl

Maria Evite
Sep 1, 2018 · 3 min read
“white Hello LED sign” by Adam Solomon on Unsplash

05–28–18

“I want you to know, but I don’t want to tell you”

There are so many things that I want to say to you but I don’t know how. The first time that I saw you I never thought that you’d make such an impact in my life, you looked like someone who doesn’t talk that much but there you are standing in front of our class promoting a seminar for your organization. And in that moment I thought to myself that maybe there’s more to know behind the shy persona that I first saw. After promoting your organizations seminar you and your org-mates left our room and my friends couldn’t stop talking about how that “meztiso guy” is so cute and I honestly didn’t bother joining there conversation until one of them asked me what my thoughts were, I said “Yeah, he’s cute.” and then she said that I totally have a crush on you which is not the case in that moment but she was still insisting it so I said “Fine. Maybe.” then she suggested that I should add you on facebook I didn’t hesitate because it wasn’t a big deal at that moment and to my surprise you accepted my friend request. Long story short it was the start of everything. I slowly began to know you and I said to myself that “Maybe I like him.” but at that moment it wasn’t romantic at all it was more of an appreciation.

Appreciation that grew into something more, before I was contented appreciating you from afar but that appreciation grew into liking you personally and eventually falling for you. The sad part about this is you weren’t even aware at that time.

I don’t know what you did to me but whenever I see you, you fill my heart with butterflies that wants to burst out of my chest. You brown eyes and perfect smile makes it so hard to look away, its like I want you to look at me but every time you do I turn my head away. Sometimes I wonder if you’ve ever seen my face lit up whenever I see you.

Do you know that behind the loud and jolly person that I am with my friends there’s this shy girl. She was too shy to tell you how she felt so she hid it with smiles and soft hellos.

I wanted to tell you how I feel, I wanted to let it all out but I didn’t have the guts to come up to you and tell you everything, so I started writing letters. I wrote those letters pretending that you were reading them like I was actually talking to you and never in a million years I thought that my letters would be in your hands, but that day when I saw you it felt like it was the right moment though I was actually feeling a bit ill. Nonetheless you got the letters through my messengers a.k.a my friends. I stood far away so I wouldn’t see your reaction or you rejecting the letters but you accepted it. I was really happy that day I even forgot the I was actually sick.

You entered my life out of nowhere and now you mean the world to me. I want to be the girl who makes your bad days better, just like how you make my bad days better. I can talk about you all day but when you’re actually around I’m speechless because the day that I realized I liked you my entire world flipped.

Do you ever think of me?

Have you ever talked about me with someone?

Are you even aware of my existence?

All this thoughts and more keep me clouded up at night, like it’s haunting me. I’m stuck somewhere between what if, what might, what could have, and what will never be. But all I want to know is what actually is.

I love you but I don’t want to get lost. Guide me, tell me if it’s already a dead-end. Because I don’t want to lose myself loving you.

Written by

Writer wannabe since 2013.

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