Love is not enought
In 1967 John Lennon wrote a song “All you need is love”. Also he layed a hand on his two wives, left one of his children, told lots of homophobic and anti-semitic insults his jewish gay-manager. and once he was laying in front of the crowd of people completely naked.
30 years later Trent Resnor from “Nine Inch Nails” wrote his song “Love is not enough”. Resnor, although his fame with shocking perfomances and his grotesque thrilling video clips quitted drugs and alchohol, got married, had 2 babies and then cancelled perfomances and tours just to become a good husband and father.
One of these man has a clear and realistic image of love, Other hasn’t any. One of them idealizes love, seing the solution of all his problems in it. Another doesn’t. One of them apparantely was a narcissistic bastard, the other one wasn’t.
In our culture lots of people idealize love. We see sublime panacea from all life issues in it. Our movies and book stories consider it as a final foal in the life, final deliverance from all the painful struggle. And because of us idealizing love we overcharge it. As a result our relationship pay for that.
When we believe that “all we need is love” as Lennon does we start to ignore the fundamental values like respect, humility and commitment to the people we care about. In the end, if love solves everything, why shoud I bother myself with other stuff, complicated ones?
But if we as Resnor believe that “love is not enough”, we understand that health relationship require more that pure emotions or high passion. We understand that there are more important things in our life besides just being in love. And the sucsess of our relationship depends on more deep and important values.
Tree bitter realities about love:
The issue with the love idealization is that we develop the unreal expectations about what it really is and what it can do to us. These unreal expectations sabotage those relationship that we treasure in the first place.
- Love is not always the same with compatibility.
Just the fact that you fell in love with someone doesn’t mean that this is a good partner for you for a long term. Love is an emotional process, compatibility is a logical one. And they are not necessarily transform into each other.
You can fall in love with someone who does not treat you well, makes you feel and think about yourself worse than you are, does not respect you as much as you respect him, or whose life is so unsettled that it can do so, and yours to be derailed.
You can fall in love with the one who has other ambitions and goals in life that are contrary to your own, or one whose philosophical beliefs or worldview conflict with your sense of reality.
You can fall in love with someone who pulls you out of the power of life and happiness.
It’s ironic, but true.
2. Love doesn’t solve relationship issues.
Unless the love makes you feel better about you r life troubles, it doesn’t solve any of those. “Rollercoaster” of the emotions can be intoxicating, each conquered height seems all the more impressive, but as long as we do not appear stable solid ground under their feet, rush of emotion eventually wash away everything.
3. Love is not always worth sacrifising yourself.
One of the important characteristics of love for someone — your ability to think about the man, his needs more than currently. But the question that is rarely asked: “What you sacrifice for each other and is it really worth it?”
Because in life, you need more than love. Love is great. Love is needed. Love is beautiful. But love alone is not enough.