Single Learnings: Online Dating and Love Languages
(As formal as the title of this post seems, I assure you none of this is official. Take it however you’d like.)
My first lesson in the free world: Learn your Love Languages. How anyone seeking something serious or long term navigates without at least knowing what they are is beyond me.
Quick Summary of the 5 Love Languages:
1. Words of Affirmation — Verbal affection, praise, compliments.
2. Quality Time — Dedicating time with your partner, sharing interests.
3. Gift Giving — Showing thoughtfulness and care through material items.
4. Acts of Service — Dedicating time to aiding your partner, support.
5. Physical Touch — Both typical and intimate touch, physical connection.
Most people have a dominant love language, and one or two secondary ones. No, you don’t have to find a partner that speaks the same language as you, but its certainly doesn’t hurt when you find one.
The point here, though, is that connecting with people (especially when meeting them through a dating app) it’s to your advantage to learn how to interpret people based on what information they give you: Opening lines and online dating profiles. As a general rule, people will but out into the world what they want in return. Example time.
Let’s say you’re swiping and come across a guy whose bio reads as follows:
“Sit on my face and tell me about your day. Then we’ll order pizza & cuddle.”
Now, this is an easy one. This guy gives us his top two love languages: Physical Touch, followed by Quality Time. So, if he’s someone you to swipe right on, you know to set a date for those activities pretty quickly, or he’ll lose interest. This one clearly won’t tolerate getting to know you over Tinder for three weeks before meeting you.
Now, they can’t all be that blunt, or that vulgar. Let’s explore a more difficult read and see what we can gather from it:
“Graduate student from OSU. Healthcare. Go Bucks.”
More brief, but he still gives us some basic information to work with. My guess? Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and maybe some Acts of Service. He wants someone to watch Buckeyes’ games with him and praise him for his accomplishments. We can also take a stab and assume he’s pretty caring, and appreciates Acts of Service by being in a compassionate industry like healthcare. This is the guy that wants you to flatter him, and make him feel important by spending your time with and for him. And in return, that’s how he’ll show affection for you.
But alas, not everyone has something written in their bios. As many reasons as there can be for that, there’s no telling which this candidate relates to. So, you can to put in some work to figure that out with your matches for yourself, or swipe past them.
Empty profiles aside — the Love Languages seem to be just as, if not more, important to me now that I’m single and learning different men as they were when my ex and I read the book to better understand each other. It may feel a little like cheating the system; looking under the hood and watching the parts in motion before someone consents to showing you, but hell, you deserve the advantage.
Thoughts? Am I wrong?
(Seriously, if you think I am, call that sh*t out. I’m learning too.)
(Also, hit that green heart below! It’s like swiping right. Give me the boost.)