CTRL + ALT + DEL: Reboot anyone?
Oh, hey! Its been a while! I hope you’ve been well? Me? Oh you know, I can’t complain too much. Well, actually I can but, I’m trying this new thing where I don’t complain about things I cannot control, leaving me barely anything to complain about. Great, right?
Well, not the whole “I’m unable to control the entire universe” part. Do you know how frustrating it is, not to be able to control the things that matter to you most? I’ve never classed myself a control freak, but I definitely have some tendencies. Sometimes, I find it pretty easy to brush things aside. Other times, nope, not gonna happen. No matter how many cliche Instagram quotes I read that tell me to “trust the journey” or ask me “can you change it? No. Then don’t worry about it” … Like?! WTF DO YOU MEAN?! Don’t worry about it? Are you aware, wise guy/girl/non-binary (you have to cater to everyone now, lol), that at this very moment, most things that I want are out of my control and not one of them are going my freaking way??
Yeah, yeah I know “worrying doesn’t change the outcome” it is the “thief of today’s joy” blah, snore, blah.Tantrum over.
Anyway, I’ve been really apprehensive about writing since I posted my last blog. I’ll refrain from speaking to much about it, but let’s just say it wasn’t received very well. Put me off if I’m honest. But I’ve decided to get over myself, and grace you with my presence, sarcasm, shade and pseudo psychology. That you all really enjoy and have missed dearly, right?
Its coming to that time of year where we start looking back on how the past twelve months have treated us or, rather, how we have treated the past twelve months. Our highs and lows, our achievements and our lessons learnt all whilst commenting on how quickly the year has gone.(Considering I feel like my year only started a few months ago, pretty damn quick)It’s also at this time of year that the serial re-brand crew start planning their not so original January marketing campaigns. You know, the ones screaming,
“ New Year: New Me”, “2018 is MY year!”, “I’m leaving certain people and situations in 2018”, “Glow up pending this year…”
And I mean, whilst my tone is a little sarcastic, lol, I’m not entirely mad at them. Hell, I’ve definitely been part of their crew at times. The turn of the new year naturally brings about feelings of a fresh start; the chance to start again, wipe the slate clean and power forward. Even if you revert back to old habits by March 1st, the first two months are great and intention counts for everything right?
Okay. Okay enough shade, for now.
The original idea for implementing the Control-Alt-Delete command was to reset or restart the computer without turning it off, which is known as a soft reboot.
I’m sure we’re all familiar with the above command, seeing as we are a very digital generation. We use it to lock the screen when we leave our desk at work, so that no one can change our desktop photo to something pornographic (this can’t just have happened to me). We use it to end applications or processes that have crashed and/or won’t respond normally. We can also shut it down completely and start again if everything really has gone haywire.
Over the past few weeks or so, I have been giving thought into how we can apply this into real life because let’s face it, we could all use a reboot sometimes. I certainly could after the past year or so. I found myself leaning more towards the first key in the command “Ctrl”, probably due to the fact I’m currently infuriated by my lack of it. (It is also because I love “Ctrl” by SZA especially her side chick anthem of the decade “The Weekend”.) Not just control of things around me, i.e. people, their feelings and the shit they present you with daily. Guys, let’s face it, no matter how hard you try, unless you have some kind of Jedi “mind control” other people and their behaviour are way outside your realm of control. Instead, actually shifting my focus to the things I can control i.e. my way of thinking, the boundaries I should maintain, but quite clearly don’t (this is a whole other blog post) and who/what I surround myself with. The second key “Alt” is short for Alternate or change, so, of those things I can control what needs changing? What do I want to change? Finally for those things that I cannot control or alternate and do not serve me in any way “del” key.
So really, this ctrl+alt+del command is another way of re-evaluating your reality by identifying the things you can control, alternating the things you can and want to change, and deleting what doesn’t serve you anymore. In computer language you are identifying the “apps” in your life that have crashed and ending their processes so that you’re able to function smoothly, without freezing, but with optimal efficiency. Boom!
reality: the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
So, whilst our serial re-brand crew may be on to something with their “New Year: New Me” bullshit, I have a different view. Because the phrase “New Year: New Me” can create a very narrow way of thinking. “New Me” implies that you will be a completely different person in from 12:01am on 1st January 2018, also implying that EVERYTHING about you or your reality is well, trash. Other than the fact that this is entirely unrealistic, if you get over yourself for just a few moments and be objective, you’ll probably find that there are definitely things about said reality that are in fact, good or at least not all that bad. It just requires realigning the way you think, which is completely in your “Ctrl”. You’ll find that there are already present habits and tendencies, that can be re-directed (“alt”) in order to have a more positive impact. Yes, there maybe things/people outside of your control that you need to just distance yourself from or “del”, which is okay too. I do know that some may mean “new year:new version of me” which, although a much better way of putting it, unfortunately, doesn’t have the same snappy marketing effect that they want.
Now, as I’m writing this I’m aware of the uncanny similarity between what I have just written and the quotes written above about leaving certain things in the previous year (“del”) lol. FML. Anyway, I’m not above taking things back, so I will take it back. But, the others still stand.
CTRL
To help with the “Ctrl” aspect of this set of major keys, it might be worth understanding what you are responsible for when it comes your reality. Too often, we don’t believe we can control something because we don’t feel it’s our responsibility, rather someone else’s. i.e. it’s someone else’s fault that you haven’t reached your weight loss goal because they ate cake in front of you all the time. Prick. But, implying that it’s the people around you that determine whether you lose weight or not, takes the responsibility and the control away from yourself.
On the flip side, we can take on responsibility that’s not ours to carry and become frustrated when we fail trying to fix it. It can mar our entire outlook, including how we feel about ourselves leading to one massive pity party.
So what are we actually responsible for?
Our own hopes, dreams and goals, not anyone else’s.
The way we think, feelings, attitudes and our behaviour. We are definitely not responsible for another adult’s behaviour, bad attitude, their feelings or the way they think.
The choices we make, our mistakes and said consequences. We are not responsible for the choices of others, their mistakes or the consequences. Although we may feel their impact.
Our happiness, not anyone else’s. Your want to make someone happy should never be confused with responsibility.
The way we treat others and allow others to treat us. Not how others allow people to treat them.
The way we communicate verbally and non verbally. Not how someone communicates with us.
Now you understand what you are responsible for and in turn what you’re able to control, you’re best able to figure out what you can and can’t change.
ALT
You can change the way you think, the way you look at things. Is the glass half empty, half full or an opportunity to re-hydrate?
You can change who you surround yourself with on a daily basis. Not because your current people ain’t shit, but because variety is the spice of life and different people bring different things to your table. (Note: you commitment-phobes should not now go and use this to justify your fear of missing out.)
You can change how you react when someone has caused offence. You can change how you speak when you’re angry and how you communicate. Our communication style is one the major things that we are most able to control and adapt. Bad communication or just lack thereof, can cause so many unnecessary issues in our lives and small tweaks can make a massive difference.
You can change your daily routine, add a hobby, learn something new. Let’s face it, adulting can be crap. It can be boring, repetitive and outright uninspiring. Adding things that you enjoy or are passionate about into the mix that also edify, challenge and enrich your life can definitely help take the edge off.
DEL
Well, this is, pretty self explanatory. Ask the serial re-brand crew about things they’ll be leaving in 2017. I’m sure they’ll be able to help. 🙃
On a less shady note, if you take anything away at all from this blog it’s that there are some parts of your reality that you can change and control, and there are some that you can’t. Knowing and accepting this is a key part of growing up and figuring out how to get where you want/need to in life without creating unnecessary obstacles. Life is hard enough. It throws things at you when you least expect them, and most of often when you feel you’re least equipped to deal. This is the time of year where most of us start setting goals and figuring out how we want the next year to look, but rather than focusing on the things that you are unable to control and the people, drama and poor lace front wigs that you’re trying to leave behind; why not try focusing on the aspects you can change. Hit Ctrl+Alt+Del on your life and open up your “task manager” figure out what works, what doesn’t, what’s crashed etc and if necessary, reboot.
Take care,
Mariam
xoxo
