Pregnant and NOT ready

Don’t fret. It’s totally normal. This post reveals 5 easy ways to help transition you into your new role.

Maria Modamwen
Jul 20, 2017 · 7 min read

Every woman has dreamed of becoming a mom at some point in their life. Even if it was to conclude that they don’t really have any interest in fulfilling biology’s request in reproducing. Before I got pregnant I always knew I wanted a baby of my own, but was waiting for the “right time”. When the time came, it wasn’t necessarily what I thought was the “right time”. At 27 I still did not consider myself ready. I had things I wanted to accomplish in my career and personal life; I wasn’t where I wanted to be financially, and overall I just wasn’t ready to let go of my independence and knowing that the only person I had to take care of was…well, me.

Let’s go a little deeper. I was not experienced with babies; I didn’t even know how to change a diaper. Hold a baby? HA. Isn’t there an art to that? I’ll just sit here and stare at your cute, screaming baby because I’m not interested in holding him; he’s too tiny and fragile looking. Matter of fact, just send me your baby shower information and then a picture when you’re baby is born and we can call it a day. I was just so not into the baby world…until I had to be.

It’s normal to be scared. It’s very scary to have your life changed forever. Being a mother no matter how old or how ready you feel is still scary and challenging. Let’s not forget all of the Debbie Downers in the world who are the first to proclaim how your entire life is over, how broke you’ll be…oh and how you’ll never ever sleep again in life. “Sleep now, while you can!” *insert evil grin followed by an evil laugh*. While these people probably meant no harm at all, and 9 times out of 10 there was not an evil laugh it was all in my head, these statements do have some truth to it. However, let’s not forget that everything has a learning curve, and what you deal with today will not always be your everyday — in other words, “hard” is temporary, sleep will come, and your bank account will continue to grow…as long as you do.

My story

In February of 2016 I found out I was expecting. A surge of emotions ran through me as I wasn’t sure what was happening. I mean, common sense says you’re pregnant which means there’s a baby growing inside of you, and you’re going to be a mom…but like, I wasn’t ready. I had been training with a personal trainer since November 2015 and had just committed to run the Rock ‘n’ Roll DC half marathon March 2016. I have always LOVED to work out, but running…me, running? Nahhh. The gym’s treadmills were lucky if my Nike’s touched their rubber backs for just two miles, and you would never catch me running outside.

However, training for this half marathon had me stepping out of my comfort zone. I had finally found a routine that worked for me, and remained consistent for more than a month. So when I found out I was pregnant I wondered how it would affect my performance. I figured it wouldn’t affect me much because I just ran 10 miles straight for the first time ever the day before I found out I was pregnant. As time went on though, I found that running for me was uncomfortable and feeling defeated, I backed out of the marathon. I continued to work out and lift weights, but training to beast my first half marathon definitely went out the window. I was bummed for sure.

Shouldn’t I be bouncing off the walls of joy? Taking endless amounts of belly pictures to flood your timelines? I was happy but not bouncing off the walls, and I took pictures but flooding timelines wasn’t my thing. There are countless woman struggling to get pregnant, and here I am echoing to the world how much I just wasn’t ready yet.

Little did I know, all of these feelings are normal. I stopped beating myself up about it. As the days neared closer to that 40 week mark I was excited, scared, nervous, worried. I even found myself talking to my belly and telling my baby this several times: “Little baby you’re going to have to work with me when you’re finally here if you want to survive because the good Lord knows I don’t know what I’m doing”. I felt so inadequate when it came to babies, and this motherly instinct my friends tried to convince me of just seemed so foreign. I figured I had to do something to “get ready”.

Here are my top 5 ways on how to “get ready” for your new baby:

  1. Re-evaluate your diet. Ok, so you don’t necessarily have to go MIA from hanging out with your friends at your local Happy Hour so quickly, but you do have to say goodbye to those drink specials. Alcohol during pregnancy is a no no. It can cause premature birth, birth defects, and fetal alcohol spectrum disorders in your unborn baby. However, if you’re anything like me, you’ll still enjoy the food specials, and a few more weeks of hanging out at the bar with your friends before you become the center of attention because your stomach is calling everyone’s name…or eyes, rather. Aside from avoiding alcohol, try to maintain a diet with plenty of vegetables, fruits, and lots of water. It’s okay if you give in to any cravings but remember to eat for yourself. Eating for two is a myth and the quickest way to develop long term unhealthy eating habits and weight gain that could possibly make you more prone to gestational diabetes. Oh, and the easiest adjustment to your new diet is adding a daily prenatal vitamin. Prenatal vitamins are a must and come packed with folic acid, calcium, and iron along with other vitamins and minerals important for the both of you.
  2. Visit your local library. What I found online just wasn’t enough for me to “get ready”. I read everything I could possibly get my hands on about pregnancy and baby care. This is especially important if, like me, you haven’t really been exposed to babies. You want to read everything you can on how to keep them healthy, growing, and happy. The top three books that I found most useful were: “The Happiest Baby on the Block”, “Baby 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Baby’s First Year”, and “On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep”. Take advantage of your local library. The last thing you want to do is spend money on these items especially when you have no idea how much money you will need for your first new baby.
  3. Decide on your healthcare provider. In my quest to find out everything about pregnancy and how to care for my baby, I discovered the world of certified nurse midwives! Best. Discovery. Ever. I came across the practice of midwives after trying to figure out the best way to have a natural childbirth and quickly realized the obstetrician I was seeing wasn’t the way to go. By ‘natural’ I don’t just mean a vaginal delivery. I also didn’t want any medication or any types of interventions if at all possible. When I originally told that to my obstetrician, he sneered. I assumed he had a tickle in his throat, and went about my business but felt very unsupported by my desires. When I put my mind to something, I make it happen. Something told me it wasn’t going to happen with his assistance so I was happy God led me to find the Midwifery Services at George Washington Hospital. So when I was six months pregnant, I transferred my care here. I never fell in love with a practice the way I fell in love with them. I absolutely LOVED them. Midwives, like obstetricians, care for women during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Midwives view pregnancy and childbirth as normal, natural processes, and help women safely deliver without interferring (unless absolutely necessary) with the natural process. Long story short, I delivered my baby naturally without any medications or interventions. I did use the support of a doula, and my husband was there with me all 36 hours I was in labor. Bless his heart. Would I do it again the next time if I’m ever blessed to have another baby? YES!!!!!!!!!
  4. Decide if you will breastfeed. I encourage you to educate yourself on the benefits of breast milk and breastfeeding your baby. Definitely know, the number one reason most moms quit breastfeeding is due to pain. Your breastfeeding experience doesn’t have to be painful or complicated, just be open to professional support. Look up breast feeding support groups in your community. Ask your doctor, doula, or midwife for any resources they may know about what’s offered by their practice/ hospital or in the community. Several major cities are known to have Breastfeeding Centers. Particularly, in Washington, D.C. we have the Breastfeeding Center in Foggy Bottom that holds numerous classes throughout the month, and La Leche League holds two meetings per month in the city to support new and long term breastfeeding mothers. Also in Washington, D.C. there are Parenting and Childhood Education (P.A.C.E) groups that offer educational/ emotional support for first and second time mothers. These are great ways to meet new moms, get support in breast feeding, and other new mom duties, as well as simply share stories together about this new time in your life.
  5. Determine your pregnancy partner. A pregnancy partner is usually the dad. Dads should be there for you emotionally, physically, and mentally during your pregnancy. They may attend a few doctors appointments, if not all, help you prepare their nursery, find childcare, attend a child birth class, drive you to the hospital during labor, etc. Not everyone is blessed to have their babies father remain a huge support in their pregnancy for whatever reasons your imagination can think of. However, we are all blessed to have a mother, sister, auntie, best friend or cousin in our life that we can appoint as a pregnancy partner or partners (because more than one is always better!).

When they say there’s never a “right time” to have a baby — it’s true. By any means don’t take this as a pass to go out and get pregnant by your Man Crush Monday, but please know that if you’ve ever felt like you weren’t ready or are feeling like that now, it’s normal and you are not alone. Of course, you can set yourself up to be ready financially and all of that, but a new baby will create a whole new life for you that you must adjust to. Once your baby arrives, you’ll be in love and nothing else will matter.

)
Maria Modamwen

Written by

My posts are dedicated to anyone interested in the journey of Motherhood.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade