The authenticity trap
Those of us who grew up in this era of new age and self help, have been continuously exposed to phrases like “be yourself” “follow your dreams” or “listen to your heart”. If you, like me, took those premises seriously, you probably have an ongoing struggle with defining what your real self authentically is, needs and wants. For example, if you are working on something you don’t really love because of the monetary reward you’ll get out of it you’ll think “This is not me. Not my real passion. I’m not following my dreams or listening to my heart. Just doing it for the money. I should be painting instead. That’s who I really am”.
Of course, unless you are a single-passion person, you’ll soon feel that painting isn’t it either. Once you start doing it professionally and you realize it requires effort and it’s not all fun and games you’ll probably feel “This is not me. I was mistaken. This is not who I really am. I am not following my heart. I am doing this to show consistency/ to prove something to myself or others/ to earn recognition or as some kind of social signaling.” So if that’s not you either, what is you?
After several rounds of trial and error you may end up discouraged, feeling that nothing is really authentic, that everything you do responds to lower incentives and not to your deepest inner self. Then you probably at some point will come across those pieces of advice that underline the importance of focusing on others to find real purpose. Be yourself but don’t focus on yourself. Focus on others, and be love. Unfortunately, the same feelings of “this is not it -I’m not being authentic- I’m not being me” will probably arise after shifting the focus to others. You may find yourself volunteering to help people in need, or becoming a counselor for people going through difficult times, and maybe you’ll feel for a moment “This is my true call! Helping others! How didn’t I see it before? I’ve finally found it!” However, unless you leave behind once and for all the authenticity trap, you will sooner or later find your self thinking “who was I kidding? I’m not doing it out of authenticity. I’m doing it because I feel rewarded by helping others. Also because dealing with people in worse situations than mine makes me value my own circumstances and be thankful. This is not authentic. Not me. Not who I really am. I need to keep searching”
And oh surprise! That search will never end. Because WE ARE NOT SOMETHING. It’s a trap to believe that there’s a real you and you have to discover it and do what it wants in order to live purposefully.
We are dynamic. Our interests change over time, and that’s ok. There doesn’t have to be a predominant passion or ultimate real call in your life. If you feel that you want to write, that’s your call, NOW, it doesn’t mean that it has to be next week too. If something feels authentic for you now, then it is! And if you lose interest later, it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t authentic or it wasn’t you. It just means that you changed!
Embrace your changes of passions and understand that all of that IS YOU. Not one of those things. Not something different that you haven’t discovered yet.
To escape the authenticity trap, I try not to think about the purpose of life, but about the purpose of this day, or this week, or this month of my life. It’s so much easier to understand! Whatever you really care about right now, that’s what you should be focusing on. That’s your purpose, today. Once you got to the goal, the project is over, or for some reason you lose interest, something else will catch it and then that will become your new purpose, for some time. Authenticity has a time dimension. Once you see that clearly you’ll be able to escape its trap.
