Life with Tobias

I’m not a loner. I’m terrible at keeping contact with people. But I’m definitely not a loner.
I’ve spent my whole life surrounded by people…BUT…
Being a reckless go-getter, I didn’t think twice when I saw the opportunity of coming to Europe by myself with no plans of going back to my country.
My plan was to travel until I find my favorite place, get an apartment and a job in a big city like London or Barcelona and stay there until I get bored again, and travel again, and so on.
But than I met my anchor in Italy.
I fell in love with someone that is the opposite of me. Someone who made me stop and settle down. Someone who brought me Tobias.

It was a hot summer day when we drove from a seaside town in Tuscany all the way to Monza, near Milan only to meet him.
We get to an off road path into this house in the woods where a nice lady opens the gate and lets us in.
She goes back inside and comes back carrying him and one of his sisters. He was number 5. And at that moment I knew that he was Tobias. MY Tobias. I was convinced immediately that that puppy belonged to me.

Yes, he had a name already. I thought about it while talking to my Italian boyfriend hours before, but I wasn’t seriously thinking about getting a dog (I mean, obviously it was too soon, I JUST got here! I’m still deciding if I wanna stay or not…jeesh…).

But well, the Italian wasn’t planning on letting me go anywhere. So, he convinced me to stay: He got me Tobias.

So it was decided, I was moving to Italy. To a brand new apartment with my boyfriend and our dog.
Did I mention that I didn’t speak any Italian?? Ok, well: I didn’t speak any Italian.

The language barrier started to sink in during awkward introductions where I tried really hard to understand what people were saying to me and embarrassingly trying to say something back. My boyfriend’s family was being extremely nice to me. Since day one they have been really supportive and I felt accepted. That had a huge impact on my next couple of years.

But even with the warmth of his family, I was spending most of my days driving and walking around with Tobias or just staying home with him while my boyfriend was at work.
And this is where I get to the point of my story:

Tobias understood me. I could talk to him all day. I would put him on the front seat and drive around listening to my music. I took him everywhere. We took him to our first family holiday in Croatia, we drove back with him on my lap, my boyfriend was driving. It was a 10 hour car trip and I was so happy to have my two boys with me.

After the second month, I realized I HAD to learn proper Italian. So I started studying. But mastering a new language takes a long, long time. And you start getting fed up with people looking down on you when you’re trying to comunicate.

So, again, I would go back home to Tobias and he didn’t mind I didn’t know how to speak Italian. He would just be so happy I was finally home!
Whenever I was feeling depressed, Tobias was there laying on my lap and licking the tears off my face (he does that to this day).

I’ve had a very difficult first couple of years in Italy.
There were times where I felt like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, there were times where I felt powerless, frustrated, scared, strangled, impotent, isolated and repressed.
I remember a period when I used to wake up crying. Because I didn’t wanna wake up. I just didn’t want to be in the reality I was in and I felt like I had no strength to change my situation.

I didn’t give up on my life, I didn’t run away, I didn’t lose my mind because in all of these situations, I would look at Tobias and I knew that I HAD to be strong so I could always be with him. Because to him, I’m the best person on Earth. He doesn’t see my weaknesses nor my flaws. He looks up to me and he will always love me no matter what.

I don’t feel depressed, angry or sad anymore. I’m finally starting to get used to this country. I overcame all my obstacles, I started therapy. With the help of my now husband I’m finally working on a project that has always been my dream.

Yes, I’m still alone most of the time and that sucks. But I have a great view and the great company of Tobias and (the newest member of the family) Orazio, the cat. Plus, my new project is keeping me pretty busy and we really enjoy our weekends as a family, when my husband gets to spend some time home with us.

I tattooed Tobias on my thy and some people say I’m crazy. They tell me I should have a kid and that I’m too attached to him. But through good times and bad times, he’s the only one who’s ALWAYS gonna be by my side unconditionally.