my fear of…

Years pass by, every single day I still try to figure out the actual me. My actual traits, strength, weakness, fear, and tendencies. And today I accidentally learned something about myself.

I went to this real-life arcade game, where me and 5 of my friends are locked up in a room and we must figure out the clues inside to get to other rooms, and eventually escape. We picked the story with the most “fear factor”, a.k.a. haunted-house but with mysteries to solve. Me, being cocky as usual, did not freak out when the lights were cut off and the staffs make crazy, ghostly noises. Or even when we had to go through the hallway where mannequins covered in blood were tied up to the ceiling. What freaked me out was…. the small doors we had to get through to an unknown room. The first door was okay, it was big enough for 2 persons to get through at the same time. The second door, however, was only enough for one big person to cross, and we had to crawl because it was located on the ground. I only had the courage to cross when I was told by others who were already in the other room that it was enough for all of us to stand up. I don’t know, I was afraid that I would be squeezed, I guess. I didn’t show any reaction though, I only said I was afraid of small spaces. And the rest of the game was okay, except for sudden moving walls at the near end. We were monitored through CCTV, though, so the staff made sure we were all okay, and that kinda set me off of my “fear”.

So when I got out from that game, I kinda realized and remembered that I might have experienced similar “fear” (that only occurs in my thoughts, actually) that lead my endless-thinking brain to a question, “Am I possibly claustrophobic?”

No, I am not self-judging or even self-anylizing myself as a patient of claustrophobia.

What is claustrophobia actually?

It’s normal to fear being trapped when there’s a genuine threat, but people with claustrophobia become fearful in situations where there’s no obvious or realistic danger.
They’ll go out of their way to avoid confined spaces, such as lifts, tunnels, tube trains and public toilets. However, avoiding these places often reinforces the fear. —
Everyone would freak out, right?

No, I do not fear being in small public toilets, I just hate the smell (who doesn’t, anyway)

But when I was little, around 8–10 years old, I remember being stuck in an elevator full of adults. The elevator was overcapacity, so it broke down and it it took around 10 minutes to get everyone out. We had to “climbed” ourselves out a little, because the elevator dropped around 50cm below the actual floor. I did not cry nor freaked out because I was with my parents. But since then I always have this little thoughts of the same experience every time I am in an old, rusty elevator with a lot of people, or when I am alone in an elevator.

I don’t like being in a crowded places with people bigger than me (aka bule) for a long time because I somehow afraid of having no oxygen and suffocate?? silly, right.

And that movie, The Descents (2005). Oh how I wish I didn’t watch that crap. Those tiny, body-hugging caves…. the cavers running out of breath and trying to escape from those hideous creatures…. But seriously the caves were just terrifying I could barely watch when they crawled and laid stuck between those cold, sharp rocks. EVEN WRITING THIS IS ALREADY MAKING ME CRINGE BADLY:”)


I couldn’t even watch 15 seconds of 127 Hours trailer when the caver broke his arm and got stuck I guess??? Ew no just close that youtube page rightaway:”) AND I HATE, HATE IT in every thriller movie when the bad and good guys are silently chasing each other in a CLOSED, DARK, NOWHERE-TO-ESCAPE-ROOM and suddenly appears out of nowhere. my heart just… beats 100x faster. hehe.

SO the conclusion is.. I don’t think I am claustrophobic, though. Maybe if I do, it’s just a mild symptoms that only occur sometimes. I just don’t like small, closed spaces but it doesn’t make me freak out, I can control it most of the times.