Hey J,

You we’re the second guy who caught my attention on the first week of our eight grade. You rarely smiles, you're cold and distant, and I don’t like you.

I still remember telling you I don’t like you because you don’t smile a lot and I was a little afraid of opening a conversation and being around you. But really, I was intimidated by your coldness. And surprisingly, you just say thank you. Just yeah, wow.

My girl friends always talks to you so I was pushed to also talk to you even though I feel a little awkward towards you. You didn’t even bother to notice. Then I saw you smile, a genuine smile. I don’t know but I suddenly felt the urge to know you more. The awkwardness was slowly fading away, and you started teasing me to someone because everyone in the class knew he’s my crush.

School is over. Hello summer vacation!!

Summer memories here I come. Hmm..

I was at first aloof of your constant messages, and persistence of opening a conversation. But I guess, I feel comfortable talking to you as we go on.

Then I saw you at the celebration of my cousins graduation party. You we’re surprised seeing me there so do I. HAHAHA. I can’t even guess why are you there and what are you doing there. You texted me the same thoughts and I answered your questions. You told me that my tita was your ninang. I can’t stop myself smiling at you whenever I look at you because you always tease me while sticking out you tounge. I guess, I was glad seeing another side of you.

Ninth grade, suddenly something has change. You opened up everything to me how your day went and relationship issues. A became a friend who advices you the way you need it, understands everything you told me and keep that on my memory box.

There is a situation when you called me on phone telling me before that you won’t speak and just hear me out. I don’t know that everytime we have this little conversation of yours, I was starting to like you.

We continue this routine and then I know this is something I should avoid, something I should stop because this damn feelings is starting to grow into something deep. I was the one who is pushing myself into a deep, deep hole and I don’t know if I fall, is he there to catch me?

Yes! I was damn afraid. But I accept this shit. I’m falling, deep. My friends started teasing me whenever they see you around and I guess you’re not that dumb not to realize that it was me falling for you damn sweet talks.

But.. I guess that was all a joke. You started avoiding me, I felt that you suddenly feel the awkwardness whenever I started the conversation with you. is everything that happened, a joke?

I am having a hard time coping up, you know. But I’m trying to stop myself giving false hope.

And, I miss you. I hope someday I’ll be smart enough not to fall to your trap again..