Hi Jennifer!

I found your text very well written, and highly relatable. I think it’s absurd for anyone to not consider you a “real trans” or put on you any label you don’t agree with. It’s not like it’s simple for anyone or possible for everyone to transition.

Without trying to push anything on you, I feel an urge to point 2 things out. First, the whole thing sound a lot like me between 22–28 years old. I did think that there was no point transitioning for me in any way because in short, that wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted. I was in the fierce “didn’t try, and it woudn’t work”. I have 4 diaries at home full of reasons why i want to but shouldn’t transition (which i will spare you obviously). This is not a “i know what you think but trust me”; you mentioned you have a condition with surgery and medication, so there is no point. What i can say is because of all the reasons i constructed around to not make a move, i did convince myself i was going better until at 28, i started shaking (more like a constant internal vibration) and thinking about suicide. At that point, all the reasons i had stopped meaning anything to me; i just had to do it. And you know what, i happen to be one of the (mostly) passing, so called privileged ones. All i want to say, really, is a) maybe you are persuaded that you are a “it wouldn’t work” and it actually would work, as many trans did at one point and were wrong (even with all the reasons in the world). Just saying. And b) if you ever get to that “should i kill myself moment?” maybe do what it takes not to. Again, you could be ok as you are for the reste of you life, you think what you want of my personal story.

The second thing is as much as i admire the clarity with which you describe you life experience, i can’t help but see that your simple and complicated reasons at the end mostly (all?) turn around what other people think of you, want from you, will think if transition, etc. Does it really matter? Isn’t it something you would do or not do for yourself only?

Thank you so much for sharing Jennifer!

-Marie-Andrée