A Few Thoughts on Loneliness
Loneliness is not caused by the absence of people who love you
It is caused by you not being able to love the people around you
So is the solution training yourself to love others?
Remember that loving others is directly related
To the degree to which you love yourself
They are one and the same
Therefore an excellent place to start
So is the solution to train yourself to love yourself?
Love is a state of being
And this state of being is your most natural, authentic self
If you peer deep inside
You will find that there actually is no ‘I’ that loves ‘yourself’
Instead, you are love
Therefore to love
Is simply to be
That deep pang of loneliness you may feel
Is actually the tugging of your own heart begging you
To drop all pretences
To drop all self-loathing
To drop all self-criticism
And to accept yourself just as you are
The more you accept yourself
The more you accept others
The more you love others
The less lonely you will feel
I have been struggling with loneliness for a few years now. I have no doubts that it is strongly linked to my depression. I would tell people, “There is nobody that loves me here”. Despite strongly feeling this way, my rational brain would tell me that there were people around me that cared about me. So why did I feel this way anyways?
It very recently dawned on me — it wasn’t that the people around me did not care about me. Instead, I myself was in a state of indifference towards others. A friend of mine gave an excellent analogy — a garage door. The more you open it, the more love that can both come in and out. If we shut it, then we shut love out both from ourselves, and from others. When I’m depressed, my door is shut. So I find it hard to care in general. We only accept as much love as we think we deserve.
Perhaps it is this dark void of indifference that we call ‘loneliness’.
I still haven’t fully worked out what it is. I could go on about the illusion of separation and what not, but that’s for another entry. What I’ve written here is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of understanding no doubt. But I’m sure each day and each moment that is spent being present, just being, is one step closer to embracing the light.