The grace of rejection

How is there grace in rejection?

A very good question that I struggled to find answers to until today.

Currently half way through the circuit breaker and two-thirds through my finals, the email came unexpectedly. I was expecting but at the same time I was not, does that make any sense? Either way, the results were in and as the title gave it away, it wasn’t what I hoped for.

What came as a surprise was not the crushing disappointment with my self, but the slow ease of exhale. Finally, I’m no longer wondering. It’s not the outcome I wanted but I’m not left hanging. What a strange feeling!

I went back to my task at hand and I remember towards the end I started feeling the anxiousness. So the moment I finished the chapter, I took out my journal and just journaled away the things that came to mind and this is what I wrote:

This is my reality. This is the door that God has closed for me because this is not where God wanted me to go.

Honestly in the recent months I have been doubting if this was where I even wanted to go. But I just went through the motion anyway to feed my ego and pride. But I guess God made that decision for me – to humble me in His own ways, to teach me humility and patience.

Yes it hurts, because it creates even more uncertainty for me now, but it doesn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would.

And for that, I thank you for the gift of growth Jesus 🤍

Wow, right? And so I randomly flipped through my bible and guess what?

Luke 14:7–11 says “For those who make themselves great will be humbled, and those who humbled themselves will be made great”.

After that I took an hour to just lie down and have a conversation with God until I fell asleep into a nap. God didn’t speak to me, but I definitely felt His peace that He wanted me to have.

Truly the two moods that have been saving me these past few weeks. And I have no one to talk but God’s saving grace for me.