To try to console United’s majority stockholders who have been weeping uncontrollably for the last 96 hours, United has decided to sell off it’s entire fleet of aircrafts in exchange for boxing gloves, hand wraps, helmets, billy clubs, shock sticks, combat Bo Staff sticks, the band “Styx”, heavy wooden mallets, crow bars, baseball bats, spiked gauntlets, genetically engineered militarized scorpions (which up till now were stored in United plane’s overhead compartments as a fun surprise to lucky passengers -seriously… google it..), and 2 x 4 pieces of wood with nails in it.
United Airlines, Decides Airline Business No Longer Profitable, Becomes Private Security Guard…
Steven Rouach

HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA…. The band Styx…. Hahahaha have they called them yet?? They’re most likely at a fair somewhere…. Sure they’d LOVE the gig… hahahaha 😂😂😂