The cost of #MeToo
Are women losing their best allies, the men who understand?
I wrote a post recently about the freedom men enjoy to venture out alone with little thought for their personal safety, while women must remain continually aware, on their guard, on defense 24/7. I’m one of those women. Based on some scary encounters in my mid-twenties that I still think about years later, I am always “on,” watching situations, weighing options, balancing my gut feelings with rational thought.
Yes, common sense tells me that the vast majority of men are good. I know this is true; however, in many situations, such as venturing out alone in a new place or walking to my car in a deserted parking lot, I often take a “better safe than sorry” approach when there’s a man around. After all when you’ve been approached, flashed, and followed, you learn to ascribe the behavior of the few to the many. And this is unfortunate because women may be inadvertently losing their best allies: men who understand the fear women live with daily.
Take Medium member, Rand Hooks, for example. He responded to my recent post. Here’s his comment:
Hooks is one of those men who understand women’s vulnerabilities. In short, his response claims that he has always considered himself a protector, willing and able to assist women and children in unsafe situations. If he was walking at night, for example, and noticed a woman walking alone in an area where there were also some “weird-looking guys” lingering, he would make sure she was safe.
“I’d keep my distance from her and watch as long as I could, ready to risk my safety if anything happened…. No one told me to do this. I’m a protector by nature. Believe it or not, you’d probably be the safest around me,” Rand Hooks wrote.
Things have changed, however, in response to the #MeToo cultural shift. Hooks now questions his instinct to protect women, especially when they seem to see all men as enemies. As a result, he finds himself turning away, unwilling to allow himself to get involved.
Hooks wrote, “Now that women’s voices are more liberated, I see that we’re all enemies to you…. Last night I was walking home from the gym. I saw a girl coming my way. I didn’t survey the area, I didn’t look to see who was around. I put my hands in my pockets, my headphones on and looked in the opposite direction of her and I kept moving.”
He ended with this: “Maybe all the years prior to now I had it wrong. Children will always have a special place in my heart. May God be with the man that tries anything with a child when I’m around. With women… I just don’t know anymore.”
Are there more men out there who feel the same way?
Thanks for reading. Clap it up for this post so others will find it. Are there men reading out there who want to weigh in? Have a different view? Leave a comment and let’s talk.
For my teacher friends… I’m using this post and the original, “The freedom men enjoy,” to show my students the importance of engaging readers by including opposing viewpoints in argument writing. Don’t forget that Medium can help you teach.
Check out my blogs: marilynyung.wordpress.com (the regular me) and elabraveandtrue.com (the teacher me), where you can read “Dear Parents: Scientology Wants to Get Inside Your Child’s Classroom.”
