Are You The “Go-to” Friend?
Have you ever got to a point in your life where you feel like you’re just trying to get yourself together. You start to cut people off, you’re getting to learn yourself a little more, you’re back on your spiritual path. Then all of a sudden, you get that one phone call or text from that certain someone you really need to let go of, but you being the person that you are, you just can’t… it’s just not in your character.
Yeah, I have that friend.
I’m a person who sometimes takes on things and sometimes my relationships as a project.The bigger the better. The more baggage, the more obligated. You know the ‘ol fixer upper type of gal.
Here’s the problem with that. A lot of times we feel like the more we help people it makes us seem happy. It absolutely makes our day to see someone have a smile on their face that YOU put there. When in reality, we’re hurting ourselves. Let me explain…
We get so wrapped up in this project, we become so involved with this person and whatever they’re going through. We tend to forget about ourselves. See the problem with being that “go-to friend”, we become so neglecting of ourselves. We start to put our own feelings, problems and sometimes our own goals and aspirations to the side. Now some may disagree with me, but I feel like we’ve all had that one point in time where that friend, calls and it’s like while they’re in the midst of venting about the same thing they called you for the past week, it drains the hell out of you. C’mon, I know I can’t be alone in this. LOL. And if you’re still disagreeing, I bet if I said boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ll agree. But that’s another topic for another day.
So moving forward,
We need to take a step back and realize who we are. It’s nothing wrong with being the go-to friend, but even while being that friend, start making boundaries. Make sure that no matter what, you don’t become so involved in what they have going on. How? I’ll tell you…
From my own personal experience I had to make sure the conversations were cut short. I noticed the longer I stayed listening to someone problems, the more I found myself asking more questions and chiming in with the occasional “Mhm” or my personal favorite “Oh really!”, which does nothing but egg them on even more if you haven’t noticed.
Next, I made sure to just become repetitive with my advice. I made sure that whatever I said would probably become so annoying to them, that the roles would switch and they would start giving me the occasional chime ins. Leaving me more room to elaborate on things they needed to hear versus them continuing to fill their head with the same ‘ol things, and it continued to make me the go-to friend because of the advice I was giving.
Lastly, I prayed. I not only pray for them and their situation, but also myself. I asked God to not let me become so wrapped up in someone else life that I forgot about my own. I didn’t want to miss out on any of my blessings because I put my own feelings, problems, and progress on the back burner worried about someone else. No. I made sure that all my advice ended in me telling them that when in doubt, go to God. He’s always the right person. No matter what.
So the next time that friend calls, just remember these steps. And if you’re having a hard time, I remember a wise man once said “it ain’t nothin’ to cut that — “ …yeah, you know the rest.