Apples Are Bad For You, Unless You Wish To Die
My two year old is a very bright child. Not only because she reflects the sun. She shines from within. When I offered her an apple, she refused on the grounds of logic. Perplexed and barely woken up, I curiously nibbled at her.
– You know, Rachel, apples are very healthy. An apple a day, keeps a doctor away.
– I heard that in the daycare. The teacher was saying it.
– But you still won’t eat them?
– They are bad!
– They keep the doctors away.
I winked at her.
– Exactly. One apple keeps one doctor away. Two apples keep two doctors away. Three app…
– I get it. What’s your point?
I yawned at her.
– The more apples you eat, the more doctors won’t be able to get to you. What if — children and philosophers love 'what ifs' — you get sick from so many apples, or find out you are allergic to them and you’ve eaten so many already — breathe my little one, breathe — that the doctors can’t get close enough to you, or help you at all, because it’s too late. It’s called an overdose, daddy — she proclaimed triumphantly, supporting herself and leaning towards me with a toothless smile and laughing eyes — it’s what happened to Frankie’s parents in their basement.
– Did they overdose on apples?
– No, cough medicine.