The Problem in my Backyard
Whenever I help coach people who are a little lost in their career direction or next steps in life, I realise that they are actually in a space where they have a choice. It’s actually a wonderful place to be in, the place where you can choose one thing or another or another and each of them seems to have equal chance of bringing you happiness or some form of satisfaction. The road is an open one and there are multiple paths to choose from.
This choice is a luxury few of us have in our lives or many people have few of in their lives. More often than not we feel we are compelled to do something or save a situation already present in our backyard and this is not a choice rather it is a form of infringement or restriction to our freedom. For some of us, it is a family we have to support, for others it is a country at war, for many of us it is a relationship issue and for most of us it is simply the problem in our backyard. The one we spend alot of time on because it is just there.
We make careers out of our backyard problems. Living with an alcoholic father I became good at people reading and became a psychologist. Others who had family members with special needs or illnesses became specialists in those fields. People living without good quality food and water concern themselves with that. My former course mate in Harvard came all the way from Kenya to learn about water irrigation education so he could go back and help the people there with that learning. He told us how his village was too poor to get him to America but they gave him sheep and goat to get to the next bigger village, and the next bigger village donated their resources to get him to the next bigger town. Finally an American couple sponsored him to the States and there he was solving his backyard problem in the classrooms of one of the top Universities in the world. He is now back in Kenya as a minister in the government.
The problem in my backyard actually gave me a mission when I was still a child. Some might call it a problem. But it definitely took all my energy and focus and my skills formed around that. In many ways I woke up each morning clear what I was going to do next. I had a problem to solve.
As I coach several people, they have no clear problem in their backyard to solve. Or it is so insolvable in their minds that they prefer to ignore the problem in their backyard and play in their front yard. The only challenge is they give up quicker whenever they are faced with a crisis because their reasons for creating something or doing something is less intense. They are not problem solving, they are dream creating or activity generating to kill time both of which have their own distinct characteristics. Dream creation is wonderful (Will write another post on this another time). However so few people talk about it and actually can see the dream they are creating clearly and it can get confusing and lonely at times, Dream creation is about making the unseen but felt seen.. It takes a lot of self awareness, self communication, self belief and visioning and communication for others to see. Activity generating is another different activity altogether — we get busy for busy sake and to avoid going into the backyard where the problem lies. It’s like putting up Christmas lights on the plants outside and having fun but its all rather empty after.
My first backyard problem was an alcoholic dad and the parenting that came with that.. I am still solving that problem but I see it as a great gift to understand how people deal with suffering … that was how he dealt with his.
My second backyard problem was how to go to university with no money. I have solved this problem for myself and others again and again now. :)
My third backyard problem was dealing with the depression I had when I lost my academic career. I have now grown other skills for the journey to learning outside of academia and also as an entrepreneur. I do not regret this at all. In fact it is the one that most defines me and makes me the gifted coach I am now.
My final backyard problem was supporting dad and mom through chronic illness and their transitions. Every day was lived with them in mind, in a state of calm emergency, in meaningful painful responsibility. I am more experienced than most in watching people die… and so I am wanting to live fully before I die.
I am siting with nothing in my backyard for now. I have a front yard ready for some dreams to be planted in. It’s interesting. No compulsion just play, creation and a not-sure where I am going to go-ness. I am tempted many a times to go back to the backyard problems — they seem so familiar and so meaningful and took all of me so I had no time to second-guess or wonder why I am here.
However I am wiser now to know — the gift I am being offered. The luxury and preciousness of a choice to dream and recommit again from a place of creation.
