Sometimes at night, when I am alone & my only witness is the gentle hum of electrical currents & radio waves buzzing all around me…I picture your face.
I remember your eyes.
I think of how you held me.
I remember the way you kissed me.
I recognize how you helped to shape me into the woman that I am today.
I cry…& I give thanks.
How could I feel anything but love & gratitude, for you, my past beloved?
It was you who made me feel like the most badass girl in high school.
It was you who would sneak out in the middle of the night just to meet me in the field & talk for hours.
It was you who held me
the day my dad died.
It was you all my friends told me to avoid, but i wouldn’t…& I’m glad.
It was you who showed me a new world. New music, new friends, a new town.
It was you who tattooed my portrait on your arm & made me feel like I could heal & grow.
It was you I would drive hours every week to see & it was you who finally moved away with me.
It was you who made me realize that a beloved is a friend first & a lover second.
It was you who showed me my self worth.
It was you who saw me for the humor & love that I represent.
It was you who wanted me to stay the night, every night, even when I worked late in the city.
It was you who kissed me like I’ve never been kissed before, in the afternoon light of your bedroom as the doves gently cooed outside.
It was you who told me you loved me during a huge screaming match fight in that parking garage.
It was you who showed up out of nowhere when my heart was totally tattered & broken.
It was you who lifted me up, literally & figuratively, into the sky.
It was you who walked me across sandy beaches & showed me a totally different side of love.
It was you who showed me what real magic is & how to truly enjoy this life.
It was you I loved being seen with.
It was you who held up the mirror & showed me myself like no one ever has before….
& it was me, who loved you, with all of my heart. It was me who felt lucky to be yours. Yes, it was also me who drove you fucking crazy, often. & it was me who broke your heart.
But you broke my heart, too.
You forced me to love myself more.
You inspired me to bloom, again & again & you proved to me that there is so much more to this life than what meets the eye.
So thank you, for loving me, for being such an important part of my life & for being a defining point on the path that has led me to where I am today.
I will never forget the way we laughed together when it was just me, & you.
Heres to old love
& to new love.
May we all give thanks & reverence for the people who have shaped us.