If You Struggle with Perfectionism, Change Your Identity: Don’t Be a “Perfectionist”, try these 2 Identities instead!
You must adopt the right Identity to Build a Secure Attachment with YOURSELF, Be Resilient, & Achieve Your Goals in Life!
Are YOU a “Perfectionist”?
I was. Most definitely. I was raised from a very young age to always go for the A and, if extra credit was there for the taking, I better get that A+, too.
Where did it get me?
It helped me to become an Attorney.
But, there’s so much more to me.
Don’t get me wrong. There are so many fantastic upsides to practicing law. Most of all, I love how I’m able to use my writing and advocacy skills to help my clients succeed. I feel a great sense of purpose in doing that.
But…
There’s more to life than your profession. For me, there’s a completely distinct “Creative” inside of me.
She’s the inner child, whom I’ve silenced for far too long.
Not anymore.
After many years, I’m giving her permission to come out and play, to let her Creative flag fly freely in the wind.
And I’ve got my hands full, because I’m in love with many things:
- Creative Writing: I’m about to publish the 2nd book in my science fiction series, THE OBSIDIAN CHRONICLES. And, I’m also posting my non-fiction writing here on Medium and in my free Substack Newsletter, where I’m hosting free activities to bring greater self-care, creativity, and personal growth into my Subscribers’ lives.
- Music: singing & piano.
- Art: painting, both traditionally and digitally.
- Fitness: dance, nutrition, and a combination of other fitness activities.
- Putting Myself Out There: This is the hardest for me.
Working away for hours, I can do. I wake up at 5 am every day — even on the weekends — just to do it. That’s how much I love creating.
But putting myself out there? That’s significantly harder. It’s why I’ve finished writing 3 books in my science fiction series, and I’m working on my 4th book in the series now, but Marketing? Oh my. I’ve barely done a thing!
That obviously needs to change, as I gear up to publish the 2nd book.
And I’m eager to do it, this time around, because now I know other people who enjoy creative activities!
Since I’ve discovered Medium and Substack, I’ve discovered fellow writers who’ve inspired me to consider posting audio and video of myself, too.
So, here I go. This is the area where I’ve got the most to learn and experience, and it will take the most time to get used to recording myself and being brave enough to post it.
As I take a step back to look at my list, I see there’s a LOT going on.
I want to do all of these things well, but I am not “perfect” at doing them.
The OLD “Perfectionist” in me would have been bothered by this.
If I were my old “Perfectionistic” Self, I would have stressed myself out, worrying and fretting over the need to do everything as perfectly as possible.
Back then, I would’ve told myself I better learn EXACTLY how to do everything, and I would’ve spent a massive amount of time and sleepless nights studying how.
Because that nasty wraith — that pernicious Limiting Belief — “You Have to Be PERFECT” would’ve been more than whispering in my ear. It would’ve been shouting with a megaphone at me.
NOT anymore!
All that stress has melted away over the years. And it’s not because I got some sort of lobotomy to excise the wraith out permanently.
No, I simply changed my mind with the THINK-DO-BE Method that I love to use, to rewire my mind and change my life:
1) THINK. Re-think your chosen Identity.
THINK:
I’m a “Perfectionist.”
RE-THINK:
Whenever I struggle with how I’m seeing myself, I remind myself to re-think.
I know, for a fact, that the “Perfectionist” identity does not serve me. Thinking that I have to be perfect immediately makes me feel like I’m “starting too late” or “falling behind” because I’m not farther along on my creative journey.
So, how can I do these creative activities without falling prey to a “Perfectionist” mentality?
2) DO. Try your new chosen Identity.
Keep in mind that the Self isn’t static. It’s malleable and can change over time. You can direct it the way you want it to be!
So, try on other Identities!
Here are 2 of my recent favorites:
1. Be a “Creative Artist”!
When I think of an Artist, I imagine someone with a free spirit, who isn’t strict and doesn’t like to be confined by what’s considered “the right way to do things.”
An Artist is a bit of a rebel — and I love that.
S/he’s not concerned with producing something so “perfect” that it lacks humanity.
In fact, I picture the opposite: a work of art that captures the messiness and beauty of a life well lived.
I expect the art or writing to move me, precisely because it captures the imperfection that surrounds us.
That imperfection makes me feel something because it resonates with the imperfection inside of me.
The Artist doesn’t try to be perfect. Because s/he knows she doesn’t need to be.
And that gives me permission to be imperfect, too.
When we’re not perfect, there’s room to grow.
So, don’t be a “Perfectionist”! Be a “Creative Artist” instead!
2. Be a “Lifelong Learner”!
What’s the opposite of a “Perfectionist” who’s supposed to be Perfect from the day they were born, until the day they die?
A “Lifelong Learner”!
When you’re a “Lifelong Learner,” you do NOT need to have all the answers. In fact, you’re expected NOT to.
And that’s perfectly OK.
Because you’re always willing and able to learn.
And you have your entire life to study, practice, and apply the new knowledge you acquire, little by little.
I love this Identity because it makes me feel safe to take the action I need to take to make progress.
That’s critical because action beats motivation — always.
That’s why I frequently remind myself:
- Do NOT wait for motivation to come.
- All you have to do is take action and MEASURE your progress to see your gains.
- As your progress begins to compound and you gain momentum, you’ll feel inspired and motivation will come automatically.
Best of all, the more you behave like a “Lifelong Learner,” the less tightly you have to grip onto your sense of Self, because your Self is not so consumed by the Ego anymore.
You feel free because NOT knowing is simply no longer a threat to who you are, or your worth as a person.
3) BE. Having tried both Identities, I’m no longer a “Perfectionist.” Instead, I choose to be a “Creative Artist” and a “Lifelong Learner” Every. Single. Day.
What about you?
Which Identity or Identities have you tried?
Who are YOU choosing to be?
Whether you’re a “Creative Artist”, a “Lifelong Learner,” or another Identity entirely, I wish you the freedom to be as Perfectly Imperfect as you are, just as I am, too.
The light in me honors and respects the light in you,
Marisa
