Mind Your Mindset: How to Stop Stressing Out in Love & Life

I have recently been covering the topic of mental health on my Tawk To Me web series…connecting with a survivor, a clinical psychologist and recently, I had the pleasure of interviewing “Luxury Coach” Keren Eldad regarding the truth about stress which we know has the potential to impact our mental health. In the interview, Keren shares:
· where stress REALLY comes from and what YOU can do about it,
· how you can overcome the TOP 2 CHALLENGES to your mindset about dating (once and for all),
· and a practical tool you can use to eliminate stress in love and life!
Keren also dives in deeper and gives us the juicy details of her favorite stress busting advice (read on in the blog post below) and offered her most popular audio, Date With Enthusiasm, and a free downloadable worksheet to accompany the teachings in the audio….now you can put her tips to kicking stress to the curb into your daily (and dating) lives — for good! Enjoy & feel free to share with someone who needs it! Read on for more of Keren’s advice on how to mind your mindset so you can stop stressing out in love and life!

Does dating stress you out?
Do you find yourself fumbling in the process, not knowing what to do, messing up very often? Like when you haven’t heard from someone in three days? …Or after three dates? Or when they take a whole day to reply to your latest text? Or if they leave all the planning up to you, and seem to have Kardashianesque standards? Or if they flat out reject you? Or just from all the swiping or having to come up with clever one liners to describe yourself or start a conversation? Or if /when you find out they are dating someone else?…
Well, you have come to the right place. To get you to the optimal dating mindset, and show you how to ditch the stress in dating — perhaps for good, READ THIS.

Where Does Stress REALLY Come From …and what can you do about it?
Have you ever wondered where stress comes from?
Let’s say you just went on an amazing Tawkify date. You looked hot, he looked hot, you had great laughs, and it ended with a kiss. Three days go by, and you have not heard a peep. You feel anxious, nervous, worried, upset…stressed.
Is the reason:
- That this loser is playing a cruel game with your head (the stress cause is EXTERNAL)
- That your thoughts about the three day delay are causing you stress (the stress cause is INTERNAL)
Stress comes from you — from within you (trust us, there have been countless studies about this).
It is not someone else, or something else which causes you stress, it is your interpretation of a person’s actions, words, behavior, or inaction which causes the stress. Even in extreme cases — like cheating, your interpretation causes the stress.
Isn’t it great to know this? This means if you are causing your own stress, then you can do something about it, the solution is within you. So stop blaming the times, blaming the apps, blaming your date, your parent’s unhappy ending etc.…. And adopt a better mindset, to create the reality you want.
How Can You Overcome the TOP 2 CHALLENGES To Your Mindset In Dating…for GOOD?

- Negativity
The first common block to finding soulmate love is negativity. That’s thinking or saying negative things. Saying that “dating is hard”, thinking that the odds are against you or that you have somehow been forgotten in love, thinking marriage or relationships are hard work, thinking that love ends anyway, saying things like men are unreliable and women are only after money, and, by the way — not believing in soulmates — are common ways to keep yourself away from love. This cynicism is just born of the ego — your internal shield trying to protect you from getting hurt, but it is only blocking you. If you let it, it will literally act as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The easy antidote to negativity is to practice positive focus — which means that when the negative thoughts arise, don’t speak them. And while you are considering them, choose to see things differently. Either say to yourself — that’s not true, or back it up for yourself by summoning up all the examples you have seen for whom dating is easy, of men who are perfectly lovely and reliable — and so on.
For example, the next time you hear yourself saying: “dating is hard”, I want you to think about JLo. She seems to be having a ball. I bet you know others who are single and killing it, just like her. Turn your focus to them, and get back out there.
To practice this, download our free Exercise Worksheet.

2. Jumping to Conclusions:
The second major block to soulmate love is making assumptions, or jumping to conclusionsr thinking that you “KNOW” exactly what’s going on. Listen up: “knowing” anything — is the enemy of growth. Repeat this principle as I am about to state it:
“When I know something, I kill possibility.”
Face it — everything you “know” so well — that’s what’s gotten you your previous results. So of course, you have room to grow. Everyone has room to learn and to grow. Instead, when you catch yourself thinking: “I know this already…” — I challenge you to ask yourself– “what might I still learn here?”.
Let me tell you a story to illustrate this point. One of my first clients in Date With Enthusiasm — my 7 weeks to soulmate online coaching program, FINALLY met a guy. They went on three magical, tummy-twisting dates. Everything flowed easily, like water. After date three, she did not hear from him for several days. She played dramatic movies in her head: “he is seeing someone else”, “he’s a jerk”, “I must have stumbled into some bad lighting”….that sort of thing. In a preemptive strike, she texted him on day three: “Hey there, hope you’re ok. Just wanted to let you know I’ve met someone else, so — have a nice life.”
He never texted back. Weeks later, they bumped into each other at a bar. He asked her: “so where is this new guy?”. She sheepishly shrugged, but then looked at him and said: “you know what? There is no other guy. I just didn’t hear from you so I decided to end it.”
He said: “Wow. That’s too bad. I really liked you. I had taken those days off to make sure I tied up all my loose ends, let go of the girls I had casually been seeing and made space to really pursue you.”
Check yourself, before you wreck yourself, friends. Don’t assume. Be curious. Stay open. Stay open through this blog post, and until the end of your life. I promise you, you will never be the same.
The Quick Internal Exercise to overcome STRESS (and all reactive behavior) is the Pause Principle
Here is where this is going — if our first goal was to start to question things we “know”, or “see”, our next goal is to realize that we can choose the right perspective. This is what we call “being proactive.”
Being proactive means understanding that you have a choice in any situation. Being proactive means taking initiative or having the ability to respond. It is the opposite of reactive, which reacts to the circumstances and situations that you are currently facing (the way you used to think about stress, before you read this blog).
Being reactive means that if the circumstance is bad, you will react in a similar manner — you will react with more “bad”. On the other hand, a proactive person takes the initiative to challenge the perspective, to know that they don’t know what they don’t know, to explore what’s really going on here — and from there, respond in a positive manner despite the situation or circumstance.
Your Stress-Hack tool:
Here’s your stress-hack tool. It’s called the proactive formula, and I call it — the Pause. Every time you hit an obstacle or challenge from now on, I want you to do this: hit pause.
In this PAUSE moment, take three steps:
1- Recognize your reaction is the real enemy. Getting defensive, angry. And STOP RIGHT THERE.
2- From there- take control — by asking yourself: what is really going on here? Is what I see or the way I see it the absolute truth, the full story? If not -get curious.
3- Ask yourself — What can I do to transform this obstacle into an opportunity?
To practice this, download our free Exercise Worksheet.
If you do this at each turn, I promise you, you will see your life take a huge leap.
What Can You Do About Delays, Setbacks, And Criticism?
Stay in faith. That’s it.
Faith is the understanding that the universe is working for you. It is the knowing, deep inside, that there are no limits to what you can have and what you can accomplish. Have faith that the love you want is THERE and that it is yours, and you will be unstoppable. When you are in faith, you feel good, you take the time, you’re not clingly, you are FUN, and you attract what is right. Dating will be easier this way.
To stay in faith: DON’T get discouraged. There is no more failure here — just redirection, a chance to change course. You will come to understand that the universe will literally redirect you to your destiny. DO savor every moment of this. Enjoy and relax.
For more, listen to my free Dating Do’s and Don’ts Audio that accompanies this blog.
Since launching Date With Enthusiasm, I have helped hundreds of men and women get to their optimal mindsets AND find their soul mates, move in, get engaged and beyond. I have also helped many of my clients to let go, to move on from the limiting crap of their past, into the awesomeness that is their now.
I want this for you, too. If you are ready for more, get Date With Enthusiasm: 7 Weeks to Soulmate. Who knows? It might just change your life.
Love,
Coach Keren
As a Matchmaker and RelationSHIFT™Coach, I help you rethink what’s possible in love and life. Join my monthly newsletter where you’ll receive updates on resources that will not only help you improve the relationships that mean the most to you but, you’ll also get advice from my expert guests who provide relationship and self-discovery wisdom too!
xoxo,
Ms. Marisha
Matchmaker & RelationSHIFT™Coach