Dear Almost BestFriend,

I’m tired. I’m tired of wondering exactly how we can get back to being best friends. I’m tired of feeling like maybe I’m doing something, or did something to make you feel like we can’t have that same connection any more. It’s like being best friends with you has ruined me being able to get close to any one in that type of way again. It almost ruins your out look on girl best friendships.

It’s like losing a part of who you are, a part of your sanity, and a part of everything you knew. I think it’s worse than a breakup… you go in to a relationship with the thought of it possibly going south in the back of your mind, but with your best friend you numb yourself to that possibility because why would your best friend go somewhere?

I thought that we could be those friends that meet every couple of months for lunch or dinner and be okay. I thought we could be those friends that call and text often and have moments were they don't, but with you that’s not possible. You are so much more of an all or nothing person than you realize. I will either be involved in all your life or none and I don’t know that you know, you are making that decision.

I’m not mad anymore, I was. I’m not sad anymore, I was, and I’m not exactly ready to give up, but I may be soon. If I do decide to give up, it wont be something we can get back in a year or two and it wont be something that I’ll even give another thought. If that does happen I hope you know that I tried. That I did what I could before I just couldn’t anymore.

I hope that if that happens everything you do gives you happiness and you learn how to conquer some things you are still struggling with… I also hope you know that you will never be replaced. I wont find another friend that same way and I will always tell stories of our adventures. Fighting dragons with you will always be my favorite memories… I dont know how long I will hang on, but eventually I am going to give up.

But lastly I hope you know that I love you. I will miss you on my wedding day, I will miss you when I have kids, and I will miss you through every defining moment I have.

Thank you for teaching me so many things and helping me become a stronger person.

love,

Your tired best friend.