Uff, day 4! Starting to feel the strain. Each bit of art, apart from day 2, was done same day. Busy boy. Well… no time to waste. Just a quick study/sketch of my dad today. Warm-up for an oil painting.
Before the cancer erm… happened, I hadn’t had contact with my dad for many years. It’s really great that we talk again, well actually kind of for the first time really as adults. It’s a different century, we’re changed people, and now we can talk easy about whatever (keeping fish, gardening, the weather obviously) and it’s just nice.
He shared something with me today that really touched me <that’s not something I find myself saying often, if ever>. After reading yesterdays bit on morphine he told me -
“Your Grandad was on morphine when he was first diagnosed (with cancer) they over prescribed and he was hallucinating all the time <I know what your thinking, stop it!>, better when they got the dosage right. He was out of it completely on his last day. I was sat with him when he opened his eyes, looked to the bottom of the bed and smiled as if there was someone there. Then he just stopped breathing and slipped away. I like to think your Grandma had come for him, it was very peaceful”
I never knew this and it is so comforting to know that’s how it was. It seems like the exact cliché we’ve all seen a hundred times on TV, but when it comes to it and this shit is real wouldn’t we all choose this way over an infinity of more grizzly ways to go. If I go this way I hope my mam picks me up. Shit, it just occurred to me, we would be the same age now, would that be strange? Fuck yeah. In a way. Awesome too in a way. Well… I’ll let you know if it happens.