Cigar

Mark Benjamin
Sep 8, 2018 · 1 min read

Thursday I drank…

Coffee and water at work and open mics. The host at one of the mics is a nice enough 20-something Afghanistan war vet who, specifically because I posted on Facebook that hosts shouldn’t out comedians as gay when they bring them up on stage, decided it would be funny if he said “and next Mark is gonna tell some gay jokes.” So I took the mic and thanked him for losing the war.

I smoke a Cohiba Dominican cigar after the mic. I got a slight buzz — the biggest high I’ve experienced in a few weeks. I always think I look cool smoking a cigar then I remember I’m also carrying a petite red backpack. I look a grad student who heads to the horse track after class to satiate his gambling addiction. Laying off alcohol has been easier than I expected. Writing this is helpful. To me it’s just ending an abusive relationship, which I did with my ex-boyfriend and ex-roommate. The only one I’m currently in is with the current President of the United States.

Some way or another I stumbled upon Sammy Davis Jr. on YouTube. Killer impersonations! Also — this is gold. Reminded me of his Seinfeld mention!

17 days.

    Mark Benjamin

    Written by

    Comedian. Writing Monologue Jokes For Nobody.