Breaking News! POTUS seeks help from Obama after learning of time machine.
Trump wants Obama to help him out. He penned a letter to #44 that would be strange if it wasn’t so obvious. The back story is that the tome was written after watching yet another stoop storm of a WH media briefing. He gave it to his body guard to deliver but he saw that it was to Obama and naturally thought it was meant for David Duke.
When he arrived at Duke’s office/bunker Duke was hurrying to New Orleans to protest the removal of the right-honorable Jeff Davis statue. Duke put it in pocket, he jumped into an Uber. After reading it he was so taken back that he left it on the seat. After that the trail is a bit murky, but suffice it to say its authenticity was in no doubt. That self-aggrandizing signature, spelling errors, the poorly worded content, greasy KFC receipt stuck to the back.
So it lands on desk of Assange, he rejects it as bad for Putin. But an aide posted it anyway. So here it is:
I just learnt that you still have a tim machine, you know the one you use’d to put your birf certifcat in those papers back in 1960's.
Well the nation need your help now. Fire it up and I have a request — I prmise free golf at any of my resorts that allow colored people to play. I cannot however reduce the $200K membership fee at Mar-la-go.
About that birther thing, it was the Clintons that made me do that. Bill grabbed me in the balls and wouldn’t let go. What should eye done?
It’s that weasel, no talent Ryan, who made me say Obamacr should be replaced, you know it allows me to underpay much of my lazy workers and send their coverage kosts to the government.
The wire tapp tweet was Comey’s fault. When he wouldn’t swear allegtiance to me I had to try to embar ass him. So sad that fucking showboat, rite?
I loved my old life. Tweeting without conseqentces Campaign was great two, crowds shouting my name, I got to watch proteters beat-up, make fun of my GOP rivals (little Marco didn’t that crack you up?)
Would you please use the machine to let Hilary win? Just not a landslide, then I can create 24–7 all about me channel. You can be a guest on the winny minorities segment. But if that is too much would you fire that showboat Comae?