WHY I write about being GAY
I got an angry email from someone on my list for a blog I sent out last week — so angry that she demanded to be taken off my list (the worst punishment for us list builders). I wrote about being gay. She said, “Why do you write about that? I don’t care. I’m sick of hearing about it. What does it have to do with being a spiritual leader?”
I was stunned. I removed her from my list, but the feelings that got triggered in me kept lingering, which I have come to realize means there’s something there for me to say, or do, or forgive, etc. In this case … it’s something for me to say, and I’m saying it to you! (so thanks for reading)
5 reasons I write about being gay? (I know we all love to number things in our blogs)
#1. I’M SELFISH — The first third of my life I was scared to death to tell anybody. I thought you would hate me, beat me up, and even kill me. I thought I was plagued with the biggest sin of all — bigger than rape, murder, or even suicide. Being gay was the worst — and that’s what I was (and am). I hated myself and prayed every day to wake up straight. It was complete hell. My childhood was f*ked because of this. So every time I get to talk or write about it a little more of me feels healed. So, #1 reason — it’s for me. I’m being selfish and I need it.
#2. I’M BEING HELPFUL — A good number of you are totally cool about gay people. Thank you. Seriously, thank you very much. If you’re an Allie (friend of gays) then you are leading the way in changing the world. And, there’s lots to learn because people are so frickin’ afraid to ask — so the more someone shares about their life experiences the more others feel compassion and care. When fear walls between us melt we feel our natural oneness. We empathize and our preconceived judgments dissolve. Our conditioning from f*k’d up religions and our homophobic culture become challenged and start to lose their grip. We all can benefit from each other’s stories, so I’m helping you … you’re welcome.
#3. A GAY PERSON READING THIS IS STILL IN THE CLOSET — this one is really important to me. I get loads of emails from people who are on the down low (gay but pretending to be straight). Many of them are married to the opposite sex and trying their best to be straight. They have kids. They pretend from the moment they open their eyes to the moment they put their head on their pillow — 24/7/365. I can’t imagine. Sorry, ladies. I love you like crazy. You’re gorgeous and brilliant and should be ruling the world, for sure. But I would be sick to my stomach if I had to have sex with you in order to keep up some false front that I’m straight.
We have made huge strides around homosexuality over the past 30–50 years, but there are still thousands upon thousands and millions who are hiding and in deep fear that God is going to hate them (don’t get me started on that one). If I can help one person — I’m not kidding — one person! If I can let one person know they are not alone, they are ok and that they are loved — then I will keep writing and writing and writing and writing about being gay!
#4. I LOVE BEING GAY — back to me! I feel so blessed to be who I am. I would not change being gay for the world. If you had a magic wand that could make me straight I would tell you to wave it elsewhere. If the entire world screamed I am disgusting for being gay I would know in my heart of hearts that this is not true. Today there is nothing that could sway me or make me think I am wrong. To feel this wonderful when there were years of feeling the exact opposite — that’s a miracle. I am a miracle because I once hated myself and now I totally love myself. That’s worth writing about!
#5. PARENTS — I think there are still so many parents who secretly, or not secretly, hope their child is NOT gay. They say, “I’ll accept it and love them but I don’t want their life to be hard.” Underneath that is a prejudice that says, “I want them to be like the norm. I want them to be like me.” Parents hold the most power in gay children growing up in self-acceptance and love. What parents say goes right to the child’s heart. Parents need to understand how powerful their words are. Parents need to understand how pervasive their fears and beliefs are — the kids feel and sense all of it. You can never speak a word, but if deep inside you are homophobic and you have a gay child, they will intuitively feel your fear and they will shrink and hide in shame. Parents need to step up and speak up and get over their own prejudices so that their children feel unconditionally loved … for real. And if I can help in any way, I will. Parents, this is for you. If you have a gay son or daughter — you are blessed beyond measure. You have a child that is sensitive, loving, on a path of self-discovery and awakening. You have a child that is going to change the world. You are one lucky parent to have a gay son/daughter!
I’m aware this blog leaves a lot out. There’s far too much to be said around this subject. If you got something out of it — great. If it made you mad — please keep it to yourself. J