We should stop calling people arrogant
Words are pictures. Whenever we hear a certain word, our mind quickly sketches what it looks like or should look like if it isn’t sure. The mind is a painter and it is constantly painting and sketching words. For instance, if I say clean water, quickly your mind paints water that is crystal clear, odourless, tasteless and reinvigorating. Now, let’s say dirty water. The picture is most likely a dark green liquid, slimy, smelly and cholera inducing. When you say your mind is blank, it’s because at that moment your mind is not painting.
The image your mind attaches to a particular word most times is not original. The environment gives it an album for every word possible, that’s one explanation for the culture shock we experience when we visit or meet people from a different environment. Their society gave them a different album. We see this clearly in religion where people will die for a belief they now think they own, but had they been born in a different place they would scoff at their current congregation.
I have been looking at some words and their connotations or inferred meaning. Connotations which where handed down to us by our parents, the society and gradually found their way into the dictionary. The first one in this series is arrogance. Are there really arrogant people out there in the world? I am yet to meet one. When people say a particular person is arrogant, my mind paints one of two pictures. A really stupid person or someone intimidated by the thought that someone can actually be themselves and be unapologetic about it.
A lot of people mistake stupidity for ‘arrogance’ and it should not be so. Stupid people do not know how to act, because they can’t help it. They will go the extra mile to get attention even if they have to be mean or rude to others. My friend Shewa, who is a tutor sees this in a lot of the children in her class. It is stupidity engineered for one reason-attention. I have never heard her describe them as ‘arrogant’. A lot of adults are like this too. Always wanting to be the life of the party and when they come across someone who try all they can, can’t bring themselves to care, they become heart broken and perpetrate more stupidity all in a bid to make themselves seen to this person. This people like my friend Shewa, can see beyond the facade and into the emptiness of their soul.
A bottomless pit, which you’re trying to fill by keeping up appearances. Every little ‘gain’ in their life is something which should be rubbed into the faces of others. Hey look at me I’m winning! Please can we not call these people ‘arrogant’? It gives the impression that they are in control of their actions and have a sound mind. What they need is a hug and not labels. Before you put your arms around them, I must warn you. Nothing annoys these people like anyone who don’t give a damn. When you’re not interested in their drama because you got your life to live, you become the number one thing on their to-do list. You will hear lies about yourself and it can get physical if you are not careful. So my advice is simple, if this stupid person is not your offspring whom you owe the duty of putting them on the right track, please keep your distance.
Now the other picture is the intimidated. Most times there’s nothing arrogant about other people. We are just intimidated by them. Some of us have fallen before we’ve been pushed. People are living their lives and facing the challenges that come from it, but you don’t want to live yours. So whenever you meet people who are unapologetic about their way of life you hide in the shadows and gossip like the coward that you are. When we encourage you to love yourself and your life, you say you’ve heard those words before. But the truth is, no matter your socio-economic status in the society, if you love yourself you will be happy or at least you won’t be intimidated by others to the point where you find it offensive and label them ‘arrogant’. Rather, you will either be inspired by their actions or see the stupidity in it. You will never take it to heart. Learn to love your life and it will be impossible to see your boss or even the president of your country as ‘arrogant’. All you will see is someone who may not be acting right (stupidity) and wonder what sort of environment they grew up in.
Remember, love yourself and as J Cole put it, ‘nobody’s life is better than yours’. As you begin to do this, whenever you hear the word ‘arrogance’, or ‘pride’, please tell your mind to slow down with that brush and paint. Now confirm if it’s a case of sheer stupidity, a child in the body of an adult or you’ve forgotten the blessings in your life and the pain in your heart which you think is as a result of someone’s pride directed at you is most likely nothing but jealousy. Now, act accordingly.
Send me a word you would like to see from a new perspective, markedtots@gmail.com or @marked_tots on twitter.