On My Inability to Watch Ava Duvernay’s “13th” on First Try:

Mark
3 min readOct 13, 2016

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“13th” debuted on Netflix this past Friday. I was excited to watch and tried to do so on a lazy Sunday, but quickly realized I couldn’t.

I’m not averse to discussing matters of race and inequality and the role of government in the oppression of black and brown people. I don’t have that privilege. I’ve spoken on it, read the books and seen many documentaries; while the content of “13th” might be new for a lot of white people (and new generations of blacks lucky enough to live outside of the realities where poverty and race intersect), it isn’t new for me. Because I’ve lived it.

I have immediate family whose lives have been affected by the government’s war on black (and brown) people who use, sell or are in close enough proximity to those who have sold drugs. I grew up in a family whose means of dealing with anti-black racism and bias which prevents people who look like me from advancing, was selling drugs. As a baby, a BABY…I and my mother were held at gun point during a drug bust of a family member. My great-grandmother died in prison because of the criminalization of crack cocaine. I am not just waking up. I do not feign anger over injustice because of something I’ve read on Facebook. I live everyday with the consequences of black families being ripped apart, scarred, and perpetually damaged as political leverage.

That is why I cannot blindly support any of your candidates. And why this election, for me and others like me, is not merely about fighting against republican ideals, quelling the rise of white supremacy, nor ensuring that sexual predators don’t have access to the White House, because these things are not specific to Donald Trump. These things are embedded in the DNA of the America which created a Donald Trump, and the America which allowed Hillary and Bill Clinton to demonize and divest in black bodies in ways that we are still dealing with two decades after their attacks. Meanwhile they, like their idols before them, expect absolution from phony apologies and the illusion of choice. It makes me physically sick. Glass ceilings be damned if black and brown people are left to pick out the shards from their flesh.

So, for me, watching “13th” wasn’t about not dealing with issues affecting millions of Americans, nor shying away from knowing history, it was about knowing it too well and being traumatized all over again.

I respect anyone’s desire not to watch the film for self-care reasons, not for reasons of white privilege and guilt. Yet it is a good documentary for those who want to learn and plan to do something with that knowledge. Bless up.

*Written on mobile. Be merciful in case of typos*

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