You rolled your eyes

I still remember the last time I told you a joke
you rolled your eyes as if to say I'm a nerd

your eyes
how I imagine the thoughts and dreams
that hide behind your colored contact lenses
the thoughts and dreams that flow infinitely
from the universe and into your heart

your heart
I wonder where my place is in that heart
I imagine the tiny cell reserved for me
in the dark depths of an immense soul
the deepest and darkest corner
where you hide the snowglobe I gave you when you were fifteen
and the foolish things I say to you whenever I get the chance

an obscure region where you never visit
and even fear to look toward
the dark crevices where whispers of memories
blow in the wind like
so many discarded candy wrappers

or is my place on your friends list?
another face among thousands
smiling out from all of our own lives
which mean nothing to you
until we say something funny
something interesting
something that suits your particular mood
on a particular day

am I a contact on your phone?
an item in your calendar?
reminding you to call
reminding you to visit
reminding you to remind you

You will not tell me
So I pretend
that I am in that cell
when I suspect
that I am in none of them

I will tell you that you have no place
in my heart
you are my heart

I will tell you my eyes
they look for your eyes

I will tell you that when I sing a love song
when I really mean that love song
I am singing to you

-m.

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