America, You’re Fired!

So you just voted in a conservative demagogue who united a new coalition of voters:

He ran against an extremely qualified person — who happened to be plagued by a quasi-scandal and your Federal investigrators dropped a bombshell in the middle of the Election!

Sorry America, I’m talking about Canada’s 2006 Federal Election.

Hello Darkness

In 2006, at the age of 20, I voted in my second Election. I voted for Paul Martin’s Liberals. We lost to Stephen Harper.

We thought Harper was going to destroy Canada. We’d ruin our national identity and our economy. We’d join wars we shouldn’t be part of. Our identity would be changed forever.

The worst part is that we elected this man who stood against everything we believed in — not once, not twice, but three times!

Why did this happen?

The Liberal party in Canada, the majority left-wing party, fell apart in scandal. Petulant Liberals stayed home on Election day, not casting a ballot out of protest. In the 3 years Harper won, we had the worst national voter turnout in recent history..

Yes, we have a lot of parties. It works.

Voter turnout matters

And that brings us to yesterday’s U.S. election. If you have a sinking feeling in your stomach because the most qualified candidate who’s run for President in our lifetimes lost — well, America, you deserve it.

You didn’t show up.

Look at those numbers: in both Canada and the United States, the conservative parties get practically the same amount of Popular Vote every time, regardless of voter turnout. The left stays home.

Think about it: Ten million more people voted in 2008 to stop Sarah Palin, who’s worst crime was that she could see Russia from her house, than to stop a racist, sexist, xenophobic demagogue with zero political experience.

I get it. You’re pissed off about Bernie. You’re pissed that Obamacare is only halfway to universal healthcare. Your education costs more than a house in Toronto. Your treatment of immigrants is appalling. You have a serious problem with racism and a police state that your country needs some real therapy for. Not to mention climate change!

It’s understandable that today you’re really fucking scared of what your country just said to you.

Once you’re healed, take a look in the mirror. Stop blaming Nate Silver, Gary Johnson, Jill Stein, James Comey, the media, Twitter, or whoever else you want to scapegoat. Learn from 2016, and in 2020, do you civic duty and show up to vote no matter how pissed off you are.

It doesn’t matter if you vote for Hillary, Donald, or Harambe—just fucking vote.

A new hope

Listen, America. It feels like it’s over, but it’s not.

It took us almost a decade (we don’t have term limits), but we kicked out our scary, conservative demagogue and replaced him with a pluralistic, empathetic Prime Minister who’s cabinet is racially and ethnically diverse, and is 50% women — because it’s 2016.

Our country is still around. Under Trudeau, I feel more Canadian than ever.

Canada may be the last hope for liberal values — but we believe in you. You can do it in 2020.

All you have to do is show up.


P.S. Canada — let’s get off our high horse, eh? A leadership candidate for the Conservative Party of Canada thinks Trumpism needs to come north. Let’s stand up for our values.