Why do we feel so down, empty, and dead inside, and them in a flash we can come alive full of energy, ideas, living a life of action and fulfillment?
Like most people probably I have moments, usually all too fleeting, but occasionally lasting for a while, where I’m living every moment with a purpose and goal. Life in this zone is meaningful, beautiful, really the biggest joy and ecstasy that can be, far beyond any chemically induced stupor.
But then just as quickly life turns and it’s back to grinding out the day, surviving, trying to make it to bedtime without drowning.
I’ve pondered this for a while and by analysing those times when life turns suddenly one way or the other I may have arrived at some insights.
Why when successful at work do I feel good? Or when not so successful do I feel so bad? I’m a frigging sales development representative at a software company. Not even CEO, VP, director, or manager of some software company but a sales development rep. So why do I care that a good day at work can make me feel on fire, and a bad one feel icy cold? Maybe it’s the money. But it’s not the money. It’s not alot even if I’m hitting my targets. Maybe it’s the kudos and ego boost received from my colleagues, but I’m the sales dev rep still and its not that.
Really it’s about making a difference. Living life knowing that our actions are having a positive influence on something, someone, others, an organisation, people’s lives, whatever, this is what drives us. Knowing we matter. Knowing that we can make a better world with our actions gives meaning to life and energy to our whole existence. So yes we may be minimum wage, and have no standing in a group, but feeling we are making a contribution is the secret to life.
Now really this is Torah, because Torah already teaches us that every move, step, every word, smile, even every thought matters and makes a difference. Every second we are making a contribution this way or that. The famous question: “does God really care if I rip the toilet paper on Shabbos?” Yeah damn right He does. Because every moment that we exist is a chance to make a difference and contribution to the world. Our actions matter. Knowing this gives meaning to life. Makes life exciting.
But actually knowing this does not make life exciting because I know it but I’m not excited. Really I need to feel it to live life purposefully.
So when I have a successful day at work I can see my actions made a direct contribution and I feel good. But when I learn, smile at someone, give someone a compliment, give money to the poor, don’t rip the toilet paper, I don’t always see any direct impact that is causing. So I don’t feel it and still feel crap.
So I know that what I do matters, makes a difference, and it’s just a fact but that’s not enough to energise life. The key to life is knowing how to feel that what I do matters.
So how do we do that?
