Coming out

Being quite effeminate as a youngster, my burgeoning sexuality was quite obvious to others, even when it was an unknown to myself.

In a sense I outed myself daily.

At the age 10, I was subject to a pedophile teacher. It was in that class that other students started to call me disparaging names. This continued for years and became increasingly violent. They bashed me, spat on me and on one occasion even urinated on me. In retrospect, I do believe the other classmates equated my behaviour with that of our teacher.

I first had a consensual sexual encounter with a neighbour at age 15, but remained very closeted about who I was and what that meant to my future.

My mother caught me in bed with this neighbour and sent me straight to a priest to confess my sins. Luckily, this priest was forward thinking and partly accepted my actions. However, I did still have to vow to my mother that I would never do this again.

And so, the closet was slammed shut for another 5 years.

That was until I went to my first gay bar! Sadly, suffering from agoraphobia, which stayed with me for a long time. I am convinced this was as a result of the shame I carried with me. But I am glad to say that I was finally rid of it for good by the time I was around 33 years old.

Understandably, it came as little surprise when I told some close old school friends around age 19. On reflection this was probably my best move. They were fine about it, and even assured me that they had known, especially boys who had witnessed my ongoing bullying at school from sixth class onward.

My best advice in all this is to seek out somebody you know very well, someone you trust and believe will not turn on you if you entrust them with this very personal information. It is very hard decision, but it does take a huge load off your shoulders.

I really feel for others, especially of diverse cultural and religious backgrounds. Wanting to assert your sexuality, is hard enough without also facing fears of reprisal, even excommunication.

That said, I urge you take the chance of trusting someone, preferably outside these types of circles. Perhaps a person with verbally expressed liberal views.

There are also gay support groups such as Qlife, Reachout and if the pressure is too much I have gone to Lifeline (13 11 14) for a non-judgemental ear at times of great strife. Don’t ever forget they are there for this sort of advice and support.

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