Need a Change in your Life? STOP Doing these 6 Things.

Mark Metry
Sep 29, 2017 · 12 min read

I’m writing this for the people who need a pivot in their life. People who know they could do more but don’t have the drive or don’t know where to start. All they know is that they are not happy with what’s going on and want a change in life.

Everyone alive has deduced a reality view based on the things that they are aware of. It’s an opinion. Not a good or bad one since it’s based on what they know. People make major life decisions at one age when they are entrenched into a reality tunnel.

You’re more than likely going to be living in a different reality tunnel at different points in your life.

If you are living life and you make $45,000 a year and never complain, and happy then you won the game. Don’t read this article. So many people are stuck in a reality tunnel of things they do everyday with no direction in life.

1. Stop Hanging out with Losers

“You are the average of the five people you most associate with.”

It’s not your fault…but it is your fault. Humans evolved into social group creatures. We work better in groups because it’s easier for us to stay alive. But, we now live in a world that is safe. Reverse nature’s programming because it’s making you more comfortable.

Vibes are real.

People can unconsciously detect whether someone is stressed or scared by smelling a chemical pheromone released in their sweat, according to researchers who have investigated the underarm secretions of petrified skydivers.

In a conference presentation last year, researcher Mujica-Parodi wrote:

“We demonstrate here the first direct evidence for a human alarm pheromone … Our findings indicate that there may be a hidden biological component to human social dynamics, in which emotional stress is, quite literally, ‘contagious’.

My freshman year of college I made a group of friends in a decent amount of my classes. We all kind of slacked off and were all confused together. Next thing you know at the end of the year when we are receiving our grades we didn’t do too well.

I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I wasn’t doing well because I was so comfortable. My group escaped responsibility, convincing our minds that we were fine when it clearly wasn’t.

2. Stop Treating your Body like Crap

Your body is literally worth billions if not more. Why would you damage an extraordinarily valuable asset?

Don’t believe me? What if someone wanted to buy your sense of vision. He offered you $1,000. Would you accept?

Probably not. What about $10,000? $100,000? $1,000,000? I can’t speak for others but I would never sell my eyes for anything because they provide me with vision to perceive the universe.

Also, the terms healthy and unhealthy are not all or nothing. Everything is relative and so is behavior and the foods you eat.

I suggest you take the initiative and try to learn how the human body works. Focus on nutrition & exercise. If you would like to learn more about this topic read this article I wrote below.

I’m not telling you to start running miles every day but at least find one form of physical activity you can do on a regular basis. Exercise is a true cornerstone of wealth and success.

3. Stop Masturbation, Pornography, and Sex

Wait what?! Don’t exit this article.

…what does masturbating and sex have anything to do with changing my life around?

It does. Why? Let me put this in perspective for you.

Your goal as a human being from an evolutionary perspective is to have sex and create more of yourself. Aside, from staying alive the bacteria that dictate your movements want you to have sex to create more of themselves.

What happens when you look at porn, masturbate and orgasm?

Your brain thinks that all these women you watched on your screen are real people and your brain thinks:

“Oh wow we just had sex with a bunch of beautiful women.”

“Now that I’ve done that I did my job! Let me just chill out.”

Pornography triggers brain activity in people with compulsive sexual behavior — known commonly as sex addiction — similar to that triggered by drugs in the brains of drug addicts, according to a University of Cambridge study published in the journal PLOS ONE.

Check out my friend Dave Schools video on the impact of engaging in such behaviors below:

What’s the point of me telling you not to engage in sexual behaviors? Other than all the health and emotional issues (with masturbation), the biggest problem is that it makes you comfortable.

It’s a one way ticket to the comfort zone. From a success standpoint, the comfort zone is your enemy. People that achieve great things in life are never comfortable.

You’re not on this planet to chill out on a beach, it’s to grow and evolve. Make some important decisions. Fail. Feel Pressure. Face rejection and fear. It’s necessary for you to grow.

Push yourself into discomfort. Everyone in life will begin to notice and your life will change. Watch new levels of the game unfold for you. All it takes is some initiative and discomfort.

4. Stop Making Excuses

Making excuses is one of the worst behaviors you can partake in. When you make excuses and avoid responsibility you are being dishonest with yourself. If you are not true to yourself then you are not true to anyone. Your brain is deceiving itself.

For example:

“I’m not going to cheat on this test because it’s dishonest.”

*Test comes around and you didn’t study and ill prepared*

“Whatever I’ll cheat for this test and study next time.”

You just override your brain’s logic circuit. You gave up the story to justify your situation and now your brain doesn’t know what to think about your character’s integrity.

Accept responsibility for all the good and bad in your life. If you don’t come to terms with them you will forever be stuck in a self amplifying negative feedback loop.

Making excuses will lead you to regret in your life.

Want to stop procrastinating? No excuses and doubts, will lead to your ability to execute without hesitation.

What separates those who succeed and those who fail is how you respond to life’s challenges. It’s not about luck or opportunity.

Oprah Winfrey the amazing woman who is worth $3 Billion USD was pregnant at the age of 14.

“I was raped at 9 years old by a cousin, then again by another family member, and another family member,” Winfrey reportedly said, adding that she tried to hide her pregnancy at 14 because she felt so much “pain and shame.”

I don’t know the numbers but how many 14 year old girls do you imagine get pregnant and are unsuccessful and unhappy?

Most likely, lots of them are facing very bad times. Oprah wasn’t special. She didn’t get a special life. She made the most out of it and that is only possible when you take responsibility over your life.

The grander point of this is that if you don’t take responsibility for all the bad in your life it makes it seem like you are not in control.

“Reality happens to me.”

Is one of the most dangerous ideas you could possibly believe in. We don’t always decide what pops up in our life but we do decide how we react, if we show up or step down. To embrace the challenge or to be a coward.

5. Stop Living in the Past

Your past is important. But, your present is much more important.

Your character is constituted of your previous behaviors, experiences and world views. Your consciousness is carved out and your ego is constantly re-editing and imaging those experiences into your identity. We have an autobiographical mind.

Why does your mind do that? To remain the same character. If you think about the past it will repeat itself over and over again. Your past regrets will compound and it will get much worse.

This makes sense. Imagine if you saw your friend being eaten by a lion. You now know that those lion things will murder you. That’s a good example.

Use your past as fuel to propel you forward in life. You can’t fix all the bad things in your life if you’re focused on your past.

However, despite me saying all these things it won’t help you out if you are stuck. We inherited a neocortex from our ancestors that make us neurotics that focus on our past regrets.

If you think longer on a problem in your past nothing actually happens. The past is nothing most people are irritated based on how they reacted.

Let’s say I have a regret of not becoming the greatest version of myself in the past 2 years of college. I now have to make a decision of every moment of every day.

  1. Keep Regretting and living in the past. In return the past will repeat itself over and over again. My past regrets will continue to repeat themselves until I break out of the trance.
  2. Overcome the past and make it up to myself. Did I do bad things in the past? Of course. Use your past as fuel to elevate your current life. Nothing else, never look at your past unless it's to positively learn and get valuable lessons from.

The past doesn’t actually exist. Reality is things happening right now in the present. Every time we mention the past or future it is always a reference in the present moment. You have the power to change and it really is all on you.

6. Stop Throwing Away your Time

What do you want to do in your life? What makes you tick?

Find out what that is and do more of it as much as you can.

So many people do things in pure habitual action with no reason or mindfulness. You don’t even want to watch those 6 seasons of that show. You’re doing it to pass time.

Our brains are like computers that dynamically adapt over time.

Just like a computer runs automated scripts, our brains run automated activities called habits. Your brains goal is to take the actions you do and automate them. Habit change is one of the hardest things you can overcome.

It’s actually impossible to delete a habit from your brain. Here are 7 steps to changing a habit from Psych Central.

1. Cut yourself some slack. Habits are hard to change. We actually need most of the habits we have. We go through most of our days engaging in good habits, routines and activities. If we didn’t, everything we did every day would be something we’d have to think about. Instead, we’re wired to learn and put in place activities that sustain us without giving it a moment’s thought. From the time you stumble into the bathroom in the morning to wash your face to your drive to work where you have a “habit” of following traffic rules, to your routines as you go through your workday to kicking off your shoes when you get back to the house, you are on autopilot a fair amount of the time.

That frees your mind and your energy for new situations and new problems that require new decisions, creativity and actions. Unfortunately, the brain really doesn’t discriminate between the bad habits and the good ones. Once a routine is sorted into the “automatic” category, it’s hard to get it back out.

2. Identify the underlying cause. All habits have a function. The habit of brushing your teeth every morning prevents trips to the dentist. The habit of checking your email first thing at work helps you organize your day. Bad habits are no different. They too have a function. Mindless eating can be a way to comfort yourself when you’re feeling down. Cruising the Internet for hours might be a way you avoid interacting with your partner or kids. Smoking (in addition to being just plain addictive) may be a way to take time out to pause and think. Drinking too much may be the only way you know how to be social. If you want to break the habit, you have to come to grips with whatever function the bad habit is serving.

3. Deal with the real problem. Sometimes dealing is relatively easy. If snacking on junk food all afternoon is a compensation for not eating lunch, it’s obvious that the function of eating whatever is in the vending machine is to satisfy hunger. Your “habit” is telling you that you really do need to stop and take the 15 minutes to have lunch. But if your time on video games is your way to stay out of fights with your partner, it may be painful to face how dysfunctional your relationship has in fact become. Even if it makes you feel guilty and bad about yourself for having a bad habit, you are not likely to stop it unless you come up with another way to deal with its function. Something positive has to be put in its place. Positive can mean pleasant — like eating that lunch instead of skipping it to forage in the vending machine later. Positive can also be painful but important — like dealing with your feelings instead of stuffing them down with food, or getting into therapy with your partner instead of numbing your problems away with video games or alcohol or weed.

4. Write it down. There’s something about committing a promise to paper that makes that promise more real. Researchers have found that just writing out a goal and keeping it handy to look at every day (or as many times as day as you need to) can help you stay on track. So write down your promise to yourself and read it before every meal and at bedtime. That’s a prescription that has no side effects and is likely to help.

5. Get yourself a buddy. There’s a reason that many recovery programs include group meetings and individual sponsors or therapists. Being accountable to others is a powerful incentive to keep on keeping on. By both giving and receiving support, you keep the goal in focus. Working with an individual sponsor or counselor can help you deal with the basis of your bad habit and find positive, healthy ways to take care of yourself instead. Being accountable to a friend (in person or virtual) helps you just stay on track.

6. Give yourself enough time. Conventional wisdom is that it takes 28 days to get free of a bad habit. Unfortunately, that notion is just plain wrong. Bad habits are hard to break because they are Habits (with a capital H). Remember: your brain has put your bad habit in the “automatic” category. Once there, it’s difficult to shake it free. Yes, some people can get a good jumpstart in 28 days. But current research shows that most of us need about three months to substitute a new behavior for a bad habit. Some people need longer. Some people need to find a gentle but powerful way to stick with the project for the rest of their lives. It depends on the habit, your personality, your level of stress, and the supports you have in place.

7. Allow for slips. You won’t be perfect. Almost everyone slips up. It’s only human. But it’s not a reason to give up. A slip provides you with information. It tells you what kinds of stressors push you off your good intentions. It tells you what you might need to change in order to stay on track. Think hard about why you slipped and get back on board. Tomorrow is another day.

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Every morning when you wake up you are living minutes you will never get back. You can’t buy, grow, or barter for more time. Time is the most valuable resource you have.

Cut out something from your life that might not even be bad but does you no good. Cut it out and replace it with daily work on yourself. Your positive actions will compound on their own and you will see a new better version of yourself overtime.

Next time, you get the thought of binging a Netflix show slow down and think “What else can I do during this time that will have a positive impact in the future?” Go for a run, watch an educational YouTube video, read a book, learn a skill etc.

You are where you are because that’s where you’ve decided to be.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this article. I’m looking for constructive criticism as this is my first self development piece.

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Mark Metry

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Founder of VU Dream www.vudream.com, Host of Humans 2.0 Podcast