Vegan Street’s Predictions for 2019
Following the vegan news and trends like we do every week with Vegan Street, you start to get a sense of where things are going. With that in mind, we thought we’d share ten of our prognostications for 2019. We predict a wild year ahead!
1. Beyonce and Jay-Z will release an app, meal kit, series of cookbooks, their Big Vegan Love concert tour and cable channel all extolling the virtues of veganism in 2019 and will make more money than all the existing vegan businesses combined. They will also remain confusingly non-vegan.
2. A Kardashian or two will do something or say something vegan-adjacent and vegan media outlets will be rushing to scoop each other so fast, they accidentally set their keyboards ablaze with sheer fingertip velocity and create brownouts in their offices.
3. A thread will start on a vegan Facebook page about the Kardashian prediction above, and it will result in 19,329 comments, 14 arrests, many cease and desist letters and at least four lawsuits before Mark Zuckerberg has to personally intervene.
4. A vegan cruise will take to sea, get lost and wind up on the proverbial desert island with a chicken on it so the eternal question about vegans on an island with a chicken will finally be answered. (Bonus prediction: the chicken will be fine; the vegetation, not so much.)
5. In a devastating ruling to the meat industry, the USDA decides that anything labeled “chicken fingers” must look like anatomical chicken claws or be sued for false advertising.
6. The newest vegan product that will take the world by storm will be meatless fish sticks that sound like the ocean when you hold them to your ear.
7. WhiteWave releases dairy-free cottage cheese and despite initial strong sales, the product is ultimately pulled from the market when it’s determined once and for all that no one really missed cottage cheese all that much.
8. The latest vegan fashion magazine to take the world by storm is styled after a “Minimalist Eco-Pirates of the Middle Ages in the South Pacific meets the Mod Squad” theme.
9. Piers Morgan becomes so apoplectic while reading about the rise of veganism, he actually stomps his feet so hard that he bores a hole in the earth that takes him tumbling to near the earth’s molten core. He can’t be rescued, but he continues rage-tweeting about vegans until his battery finally dies or his phone catches fire and he is not heard from again. It is not known whether or not Piers ever realized he had been effectively swallowed up by the earth.
10. Austin, TX gains highest vegan restaurant per capita status when city planners agree to adopt an aggressive one-vegan-food-truck-per-household rule. Like, literally, vegan food trucks are stationed outside of every household.
And there you have it. 2019 is going to be a doozy!