Hot Barre Showdown

So, I hadn’t been to hot yoga for a while since I moved across town into Narnia and away from the studio I like in Henderson. It’s probably been since March since I’ve been there. And the first time I ever tried hot yoga was right after the New Year. I’ve been practicing yoga for many years and got my yoga teacher training in Chelsea in Manhattan about four years ago. And although I haven’t been to hot yoga since March, I want to preface this by telling you (and since this is my first post), that I am very athletic and in great shape. Definitely above average shape and very physically competitive. I work out approx 2–3 hours a day and I eat very healthy. That workout typically involves about 30 minutes to 45 minutes of active stretching and the rest either doing pole work, aerobic dance, or hiking at high altitudes with hand weights. I’m also going to start out by telling you that I’ve never had a weight problem or fluctuated in weight more than about 15 pounds. This is probably because I have been a vegetarian since I was 8 years old and I have always been active physically. However, it is important to add that, although I have never had a weight problem and have always been relatively happy with my body, my body has had many types of shapes due to both development and lifestyle changes. I think I am happiest with my body now because of pole dancing, my vegan and mostly raw diet, and most importantly the act that I quit drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes last year!

I was a Playboy model almost ten years ago now, and let me tell you, I am happier with my body than I have ever been. ( I’ve been having some serious thoughts about a breast lift…and some not so serious thoughts about ass implants, but other than that I’m pretty happy with my body!) And anyone in their right mind would tell you that I don’t need these enhancements because my body is bangin! But there’s always something, a lot of us will just always be craving that next step closer to absolute perfection, and absolute perfection in our eyes is often different than perfection in other’s eyes, therefore we shouldn’t bother ourselves too much with either, but what fun is that?!

Me, I like to push limits. It is my greatest vice and greatest downfall. And when a fitness instructor pushes me past my limits, the masochist in me, starts to turn the pain into pleasure and I start to smile deeply and giggle. It’s sick, but I consider it a blessing. And I thank any human that is cruel enough to push me to that point. Really, I fucking love it. And that’s what happened today in hot yoga.

So I invited my friend, Bri, to come with me to the studio, she asked me if it was going to be really hard, because she was used to really mellow yoga classes was recovering from an ankle injury from skydiving and didn’t think she could handle anything really hardcore today. I assured her that it was for mixed levels and that all different types of people take the class and she would totally be fine.

I also assured her that the first class would be free because she was kind of hurting money wise, and I had remembered when I joined the studio in January, the first class was free, so I was under the impression that they would still honor that.

The owner of the studio who was checking us in, denied the whole first class is free thing, so I felt bad, and laid down the totally not cheap $20 for the hot barre class and paid $79 for myself to do a month unlimited. I really like the studio so I wasn’t upset about it, I just felt bad that it wasn’t free like I had told my friend. But, no big deal. So we got dressed and set up our mats in the hot room all lined up against the walls near the ballet bars.

And bam, straight from Savasana into some real intense core moves. Hardcore, mat pilates shit. I knew if that was the warmup, it was about to get very gnarly. And oh, boy, I was right.

This instructor was absolutely malicious. She didn’t like our little bargaining schemes and wanted to take my ego down a few notches and she literally tried to kill me, I’m sure of it. When “shit got real” as my friend put it, I switched into masochist me, and started to really like it. I started grinning and giggling, going deeper into movements, with better form, laughing, drowning in my own sweat. I’d lock eyes with the arrogant instructor, and just grin, not missing a beat, and my smile was never once reciprocated from her. I couldn’t bear to meet eyes with my friend, Bri,whom I’d assured would super solid, because I knew she’d be pissed at me and I’d just bust out laughing. But I seriously questioned many times if my body was going to completely fail at some point. And I knew what the instructor was doing, she didn’t like my cocky attitude and she was literally trying to gauge my breaking point. I never broke, because I go harder when it starts to hurt and because I’m in pretty damn good shape…but I knew my goals of going hard on the pole later were out the door. My whole body would be jello.

In the end, I was proud of myself, because, like I said, I am very physically competitive and I thrive in the heat of a challenge. However, I can barely move now and I still kind of feel bad that the whole experience was wildly different than the picture I had painted for my friend. But I still have my pride in the fact that that bitch (and I mean bitch in the most endearing way possible)didn’t break my stride! And I’ll probably be back tomorrow for more abuse…If I can get out of bed!!!

Thank you Modo Yoga Henderson!! Really, I love you,Kitty!! Fuuuck! :/

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