Lover’s Beware: We All Love For Different Reasons
The title of this piece is pretty self explanatory. I feel as if I can be a strong objective voice in matters of love. Many look to me for advice on matters of love because I am good at attracting it, dispersing it and controlling it. So here, for my first relationship-centric piece on my blog, I thought I’d bring up some pretty vague but far-reaching and prevalent themes on the matter. I’m just barely scratching the surface of these observations in this segment but I am definitely open to further discussion on the topic.
I’m going to start this segment by remarking on some ballsy, poignant, beautiful and thought provoking words from my lovely friend, Count Morivond. He writes:
Metaphysically, it is the dark force in nature that permeates all living things. A living breathing reservoir of hidden power that can be accessed to accomplish one’s ends.
Epistemologically speaking, (or how it is that I know this) I am a manifestation of it. (and if you are aware of that to which I refer, so are you.)
Ethically, it is a natural recognition of the self at the center of one’s experiential universe and its concomitant predisposition to exist and exist as best as humanly possible. Survival/self-preservation is the highest law and the more propitious its existence, the better. Naturally.
Politically speaking… it is natural law and bound by nature’s law it is just — ‘though seldom fair. It is the law of the jungle; a social Darwinian struggle where might is right, where the strong rule the weak and the clever rule the strong.
Aesthetically… it is the muse of all creation and the inspiration of all things beautiful and terrifying. It was the light and music of “Heaven” forsook. It is now the beauteous glory of a greater mankind.
Now… what is it?]
Now for the most part, though I have not actually discussed this passage with him. I believe he, (Count Morivond)is poetically referring to the yin and yang of society, or the masculine and feminine energies and each individual’s innate instinct and premonitions in favor or self-preservation, and the true concept of Might vs. Right or Might is Right. Meaning that the strong will prevail regardless of credo.
I will now refer to another passage from a philosopher of which whom I deeply respect: “Love is something that you can leave behind when you die, it’s that powerful.” -John Fire Lame Deer
Though, I deeply respect and agree with both men’s perspectives, they lead to entirely different manifestos and general themes.
Alexander’s words suggest that no matter your intentions, the greatness of your love, the purity of your soul, the righteousness of your beliefs, the only thing that matters as far as self-preservation, which is, the highest law, no matter what,is that the strong will prevail. And my dear friends, and lovers, this is always going to be true. But what we can manipulate is how strength is employed.
“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left” -Marilyn Monroe
I am neither a damsel in distress, nor am a suit-wearing CEO with a staff of 150. I don’t own a yacht or have a Grammy, but I do find, with utmost ease that I get just what I want because I Am genuine. I do Not try to fool people, I love hard, and the love starts first with myself.
First of all, I don’t have trouble finding faithful lovers, I don’t have trouble falling in love and I don’t have trouble ending a relationship when I realize that the power balance has shifted in a way that is not advantageous to my well being. Though the shift may have been due to my own complacent behavior giving way to an emboldened spirit leaving my high-valued soul just a little too vulnerable. But that never lasts long, I’m too smart too become a martyr for sake of a man’s pride that loves me less than he loves his own self-preservation,I can’t blame him, but I cannot be a cog in such a machine at the cost of my own self-destruction and beauty of sacrificial female submission for the classic theme of romantic love.
I love men. I love sex. And I love falling in love. Though recently more than ever, I have experienced,due to recent events in my life and recent political events, that it is easier than ever, to both forgo my sexual desires and also, favor the fairer sex when considering partners, for sake of my strong beliefs.
It’s strange, I think, maybe because I have isolated myself socially more than ever, that people that I know are under the impression that I am not doing well or that I am depressed. But on the contrary, my isolated meditations and periods of celibacy have led me to a place mentally that I had not previously achieved in my life. I am able now, to feel the blissful sensation of being in love without actually being in romantic love with one particular human being. In doing so, I have also tapped into a period of immense financial growth, spiritual growth and virtual freedom.
An elder in my family, expressed recently, their trouble and desperation in finding a companion. And I told them the age-old, and most simple and true advice I could give them. I said, build yourself, build your confidence, when you are too busy with yourself, they will come, all of them, every perfect man, vying for your affection, and you will have your choice of them. But this will only happen once you are slaying your own dragons, and knee deep in slaying your most epic life accomplishments. On the same note, this is why many of the men in our lives, though they seem charming as fuck from the outside of a relationship (and many women are guilty of the same), tend to be dream killers for the sake of their own self-preservation, which ultimately defaces that whole, true love and utmost trust thing that is re-iterated in words during a “healthy” looking relationship. Many become “dream-killers” in a relationship for jealous reasons, maybe not even knowing why they are doing it. They attack their spouses dreams aggressively, passively, secretly and relentlessly in an attempt to make them less desirable to others. This is not genuine love. This behavior is abusive, and ultimately, if you are smart enough and care enough about your own legend and are good at self-preservation, you will leave these relationships before you get left. These dream-killers are not in the relationship because they love and care about your well-being and being supportive of your legend. Ultimately, even in what they claim is true love, they are in it to win it. They are in a relationship to destroy and conquer. And I’ll tell you this much, I’m an extremely supportive spouse. To a fault, I may say, because, I love love so much and I have so much self love , that I often believe that I have enough love in me to sacrifice a little bit of me to build up my faithful lover. However, often when this gives way, it is a slippery slope. Once, you begin to put your own needs a step behind your lover’s, if they never did have the intention of building you up, for sake of their own pathetic fears of you being great, once you do this, you must either prepare to sacrifice your own legend, continue with the relationship convincing yourself that you both shared the same dream all along, or your must prepare to leave for the sake of your life.
These dream-killers are crafty. They are charming, and they know key words to make you stay, though their actions often contradict their words. They will be very diligent with their own priorities making you believe that they will have the same ethics regarding the ones that they love, but rarely do. But, you believe them and give them many chances because they love you, they think you are the most beautiful person in the world, and you don’t need to impress them by doing A, B, or C (A,B, or C meant to replace said dreams that are not necessary to impress the dream killer, but very necessary for the dreamer’s sanity). It’s a good game tactic, it works, though very tragic for those few genuine lovers who thought they were co-building a grand life, not playing a game.
I’m not innocent. I’m not perfect. And I never claimed to be. I’ve entered many relationships knowing that it wouldn’t last a whole long time but seeing the potential for both parties to learn something or at least have some great experiences. Every lover I have had, I loved fully, though that does not mean that longevity and a mate-for- life situation has ever been my priority (although I am guilty of tricking both myself and several partners that I believed that was the case, though the notion is often short lived.) The reason, probably being the fact that every individual sees self-preservation with a different end-goal. Some see self-preservation as reproducing. In which the traditional, male-female, monogamous, family style relationship is most in favor of. Innately, biologically, a lot of people are set-up this way, however intellectually, many of us, see self-preservation as being something that can manifest as being healthy, and successful artists of our personal lives by means of becoming some sort of actual legend and following what is most genuine in the form of what we wish to directly impart upon this world instead of leaving that up to the responsibility of birthed children. (Although many even figure out away to preserve their legend both biologically and historically.)
Some more promiscuous types, will openly admit to participating in sexual activity for sake of pure voyeurism. Possibly, leaving the observed subject confused about what physical love really means, should they be the type that places such sacred importance on the act.
Another important fact to take into consideration when evaluating romantic love is that desperation is unattractive and that tension must be kept in order to keep a romantic relationship charged. That meaning that once one party bows its gracious head too low, whether the faithful knows it or not, the conquest is over. Though one may stay physically faithful for many years or even for life, mentally, the conquest ends when one person sacrifices their dreams for the other. This is probably the point in a relationship when the sex starts to suck or severely slow down. Both parties start watching porn more, they fantasize about other people, the lies begin, because they’ve already convinced each other that their love is so strong that it will survive anything, and neither one wants to be wrong or letdown. But love is chemical, physical and spiritual as well as a means of self-preservation.
There is an outrageously gruesome movie called, Martyrs in which, it is suggested that women have more of a penchant for being a martyr. It is sad, but I believe this is true. Due to the nature of feminine energy, women or those with great feminine energy are subject to martyrdom more than their counterparts. The reason being that they love so strongly that they are willing to sacrifice their life and dreams for the ones that they love because they believe that the same amount of love is reciprocated and that the Universe or their God will ultimately see their pure love, and take care of them.(Maybe also, due to their high pain threshold.) Therefore taking the position of “Right” in the battle of “Right”vs. “Might” but nonetheless will still lose a great part of their individuality for sake of the stronger counterpart with more might. Meaning the counterpart with the greater actualized “self”. Though the feminine energy often believes, like our Native American mentor, John Fire Lame Deer that “Love is something that we get to leave behind when we die, it’s that powerful.” And I believe and live by both philosophies.
I have a woman’s heart and a man’s ambition. The preservation of my “self” and personal legend comes first. Not only that, my self preservation and personal legend and masculine ambition makes me observably attractive to many. ( I can’t deny it, I get what I want but at least I am doing my best to share my knowledge). Though my heart in the past has moved mostly on whim, I now recognize these whims as pulls from the heart of the other party, and me being a sensitive female recognizing their desire and my ability to remedy their conquests. Ultimately, being a great lover with an endless amount of love to give, I have in the past compulsively obliged. For I lose nothing from lighting another’s flame. However, I have found after many years of battling hard for the sake of my personal legend, that I am able to love and increase my sexual value by remaining celibate and uninterested sexually. I am able to learn more. I am able to enjoy the company of whomever I choose and love them just the same to the avail of no criminal persecution. By not sacrificing my life to another’s I can not blame my reality on anyone but myself, and that is an extremely refreshing feeling for someone that has admittedly been a serial monogamist for years and years preceding this new period in my life.
I can’t say that I will stay single forever but I will say that I am grateful for my faithful and immortal self-love that has led me to this place of growth and freedom. I know I am the creator of my own-reality and I know exactly what I need to do to maintain this kind of self-love for the rest of my life. Whoever comes around and wants to love and be loved may do so. But nobody will ever bring me down, no matter how charismatic and handsome they are. I’m really good at that trick, I didn’t invent it, but it sure wasn’t created to fool girls like me.