Honestly, love…

May I love someone special?
And should I?

I’m not sure I can love again.
Because I’ve tried and I still can’t.
I think loving someone is really hard.

How if I can’t do it anymore?
Is it because I still don’t want to?
Or am I too comfortable with this solitude?
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I never think it could be as traumatic as this.

Truly I love someone, but I’m always not able to express it.

I’m afraid of betrayal, disappointment, and pain, that I’ve suffered. I can’t tell people how deep it meant for me. My silence covered that scars. And how I act like nothing ever happened to my love-life, that’s why I’m labelled as tough.

I can see, that loving me is hard. With my traits and natures and tendencies and tempers and complexities. Loving this kind of person is kinda impossible. I’m too hard to be understood. That’s why I never ask people to love me. I never ask someone to help me facing this darkness. I never ask someone’s patience for walking beside me. I argue if there is anyone really there who will be my true love. Is there? And will he be happy with me? I don’t want to ruin his life…

And love,

if you are there,

please don’t hurt me again.

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