Love spells of the 21st century that might or might not work
For the bad boy almost next-door who looks slightly younger than you but not enough to provoke gossip among your relatives
Pretend you don’t give a damn. Recite his name ten times before going to sleep turned in the direction of his apartment. Make sure he doesn’t know about this bit.When you meet him at the store, do not buy your usual bio products. You’re not like all other women. You buy trans-fats and beer.
For the nice guy at the office who always asks if he can borrow your stapler
Ask if that report can be made for about three days before the actual deadline, but wink and smile as you finish your sentence. When he looks at you wondering if you are somewhat insulting his intelligence, giggle coquettishly and tell him the original deadline is just fine. Touch his arm as you do this. Walk away without waiting for an answer and sway your hips in the process.
For the intellectual friend of a friend who stole your heart at a birthday party you didn’t want to go to
Buy a second-hand version of your favorite book, and with ‘favorite’ I mean any title in a top-ten called something like “Ten highly underrated books from the Victorian era you need to buy now”. Send it to him via regular mail to show how much you miss the pre-Internet era. Sign the note just with your initials. Take a polaroid of yourself and look at it everyday until you get a book recommendation in return.
For the pizza delivery guy who always remembers your floor and this is probably one of the reasons you thought you might have a crush on him
As you rummage through your wallet while he waits for you to pay, turn and tell to your empty living room: “Jim, pizza is here!”. Wait a few awkward seconds, then turn to your delivery guy and whisper with a giggle: “I am just kidding. Jim and I broke up in the summer!”. Give him his tip and watch as he takes the stairs looking back a few times thinking if he could do something to make you feel less lonely (that’s what you’re aiming for).
For the preppy lover-to-be who says his dream woman knows how to perfectly fold handkerchiefs
Pour red wine in a white-wine glass. Watch as your lover-to-be secretly wonders if this glass mix-up might potentially be reason of embarrassment at dinner parties. Clean up your the sauce left in your plate with a piece of bread because that’s the only way to do it. Watch him again confirm his fears.