You Are Not Your Likes, Part 1

Occasionally, I play dime store psychologist to our numerous professional athletes, celebrity and high profile clients. They have an ever burning desire to grow and be the best overachievers they can be. It’s exactly why they are in possion of power and wealth. I recently wrote a guest entry for @ChenoaMaxwell at her hub and thought you would all enjoy.

by Martin Morse, CEO The MM Group, Inc.

Keep Life Simple. Know that you are indeed of value and Self Love is all the Love you need.

You’ve heard this before. We are living in an instant age. Instant everything. From shopping to dating to even employment. We are managing our lives from the fast lane of apps and social media. But are they taking us away from our true center and authentic selves?

It can be exhausting at times. Addictive. Compulsive. Facebook alone has over 600 million users and growing. If you’re not posting or scrolling through a timeline and actively contributing you’re getting left behind right? The only way some of us even know what is happening in our friend’s and family’s lives is to check their social media feeds. We are becoming programmed and very quickly, to associate and equate our lives with our timelines and interactions on social media via likes and comments. Don’t get me wrong, I love the convenience of my phone and the multitude of apps that make my life a bit easier. But I do ask myself at times, ‘is what I am seeing on the social media feeds so curated and tailored that I am missing out on the reality behind the post?’ Is the picture real or ripped from the net? Is the face or body I am scrolling over so heavily modified that the person pictured does not exist in real life? What is our reality? Are we just getting a chosen frame of a movie we would walk out on or fall asleep in?

We are asking a bunch of questions and esoterically we could keep asking. But the million dollar question is: How do I get off this insanely over stimulating race measured in double taps, dissolving hearts and emojis without cutting myself off from people?

Let me ask you, do you even really truly want to get off the roller coaster? We live in a day to day world of agreement by committee. This means we are operating within a tacit agreement between each other. If the majority say it is so, then it is so and that’s the way “it” is. For some this agreement is just fine and the day to day is just that. Wake up, move through a morning routine, punch a clock, maintain your work responsibilities, check your social media feeds, answer emails, surf the net, head home, maintain your personal responsibilities, sleep, repeat next day. For some that’s good enough and life is safely predictable according to the way all that occurs for you. Without going down the rabbit hole, let’s just say for some (the overwhelming majority) that is enough to qualify life as fulfilled. But, for some, this is not ok. They do not feel fulfilled and they are very present to a hole in their spirit.

The issue is that we are sometimes not present to why the hole is there in the first place and how we go about filling it with something of substance and meaning. If that’s you, there is great news! You are present and aware and that is more than half of the process in occupying that space with personal life value. And it’s ok to be in that space of question or restlessness in your spirit. If you’re not present to this feeling, it’s totally ok too, it just means you are still journeying through the process of recognizing a blind spot in your life.

Let’s not get too far off track though. Back to the social media mess we participate in everyday. Unbeknownst to us, we become driven by certain cues and prompts in our lives. Chenoa describes these cues and prompts as “habit loops”. Sometimes they are great and add checks and balances to our lives, but sometimes (more than we would like to admit) they are not good for us in the long term and we become numb to the loop. In my business I see the work behind the brands being made, shaped and curated on a daily basis because of social media. High profile businesses or individuals have to keep up the appearance of a certain lifestyle or look. It’s the tail wagging the dog at this point. The Kardashian clan made their place in pop culture via digital and social media. The monster has to be fed so each post has to be glamorous and a display of their fabulous life and lifestyle. It’s their brand. How interesting would it be if a famous pro athlete was not posting his bling or $200,000 cars and multi-million dollar homes? Remember, we are operating in agreement as community so we voraciously consume these profiles and demand for more and more perpetuating the ever curated brands. And it works, right? Everyone gets satisfaction from the machine. We as a society live vicariously through these feeds shaking up the day to day of our lives with the daily gossip and tea meanwhile not present to just how curated these “everyday” lifestyle posts are. Trust me, I have first hand account and stories for these “impromptu” posts and glimpses of celebrity life that pull back the proverbial curtain. They give us a false sense of what reality is and conversely leads you down the same path. Your posts become curated. Your real life validation slowly melds from positive tangible affirmations and compliments to how many people liked your last post. Slowly, systematically and quietly, we become drawn in to false reality that influences your self esteem, your self worth and your idea of what is important based on the number of likes or comments you’re getting. For women, that bikini post got way more likes than the Sunday church brunch. Guys, the likes pour in when you post your bling or the like. Get where I’m going here? Get present to the monster we feed.

Let’s take a simple look at how dating has changed in the past decade. If you’re in your thirties or older, you’re old enough to remember what it’s like to actually date. Guy and girl see each other, flirt, actually speak face to face, go out on a date, court or don’t based on chemistry and actual conversation. Today, the dating game has drastically changed. The most time consuming part of dating today is constructing a profile on whatever app you’ve elected to use. It’s as easy as a swipe or a tap now. Sex on tap, literally. Validation through a swipe. No longer is there any work involved or actual exchange of personality. Profile pops up. Pic looks good. Like, swipe or DM and presto your Wednesday night is a drink, a formality meet up and a romp. Do you see the slippery slope that creates? The intention is different in the dating game now dependent on the app you choose. The desire for validation is so strong and by design that we are seeing dating in quantity and not quality. It becomes a numbers game. Ladies, if he has a cool social media feed of cars, money, abs, and lifestyle let’s set up a meet. Fellas, if she looks hot, posts sexy pics and seems available (or even not) let’s slide into those DM’s. When the reality is unveiled face to face it’s just as easy to move on to the next hopeful profile to satisfy that immediate need, right? The cycle could be never ending.

A poll was conducted recently on the net via Conde Naste publishing and the number one concern and desire for women personally is love/partnership. It was first by a landslide with career coming in at a distant second. For men it was career first, relationship with friends second, love/partnership third. Third! It seems our general intentions in the dating game between men and women are completely misaligned.

So where does this leave us? Well, the power and ability to shift the agreement by committee is actually up to you. A movement starts with one.

The first action is deciding you are not your likes. Be present to the thought process and internal dialogue that comes up as you flip through a timeline. Remember, it’s all entertainment and at the end of the day ask yourself, ‘Am I really my likes and where am I receiving my validation and self love from?’. This is precisely why I LOVE the Live Limitlessly hub. It is solely focused and generated by the commitment to raise our vibration of Self Love and the power that lies within. We are designers of life and once awakened to our powerful tools of construction we can build great monuments of value. It starts there. And because we are tethered and connected energetically in this world the concentric circles that push out through the ether have the ability to reach great distance. Be the shift of presence and awareness in the energy you spend for the sake of love, likes, and validation.

Wouldn’t it be way better to double tap someone’s real heart and they yours?

For more posts and entries subcribe and also head to where you will find the Apex Performance Curriculum by Martin Morse.