Reclaiming Your Identity After a Personality Disorder and a Pandemic Destroyed It
My early to mid-20s (I am twenty-six as I write this) were dedicated to the initial misshaping and eventual utter disintegration of my identity as I had always known it. I just recently gained the courage and strength to admit this to myself. You’re probably wondering what I mean by “disintegration of identity,” so let me take a step back and introduce you to the fascinating world of personality disorders.
At the age of twenty, my lifelong struggle with anxiety led me to seek the help of a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety.
Flash forward to one year later: far from making any progress, I slowly but steadily begin to feel things I have never felt before. Disturbing things. I experience episodes where I don’t feel like myself anymore. It’s like I’m a stranger in someone else’s body, and when I look at my past it’s like I’m looking at somebody else’s life, and I feel no emotional connection to that person or those memories whatsoever.
It is my second year of college at NYU. The workload is heavy. The anxieties keep toppling on top of each other: tuition, bills, assignments, deadlines, body image, relationships, just to name a few. I don’t know what’s happening to me. My doctor is not sure either. He puts me…
